


Maybe, Everything.

by entirelynewblue



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-04 20:46:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 29,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16354013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/entirelynewblue/pseuds/entirelynewblue
Summary: Jihoon: I am adopted by two of the nicest people on earth. I am grateful with everything that is given to me.Woojin: I want chase after my passion of dancing and I want to live outside of my parent’s expectations. When he ran away from home he didn’t expect to find comfort and love from a family he never had.





	1. Park  Jihoon

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! this is for 2parkweek day 1, but i kinda messed up the deadline. kira failed the deadline what else is new. i hope you enjoy this crazy roller coaster, i didn't meant for it to be THIS long. maybe i love 2park too much. 
> 
> Disclaimer : english is not my first language hence the awful grammar mistakes. i hope you enjoy! comments and kudos are appreciated. xx

I believe things happen for a reason, for better or for worst and for this particular thing, I think it was for the best. I’ve never known what a family was, never born into one. When i was ten on the 25th of December, Christmas day to be exact, I still remember it was snowing really hard and because our orphanage couldn’t afford heaters so we were freezing and I couldn’t feel anything because of the cold. We, all 10 of us, gathered on the corner of the less exposed part of the house, We have roof but they’re mostly leaking, it was the hardest month of all. We hugged each other, keeping each other warm while Jisung hyung boils water and keep it in a metal water bottle he got from the insurance company (we didn’t have insurance but Jisung hyung always tricked them somehow into giving us free things) and passed it on us, so we could use it to replace heaters.

There was a knock on the door, I wasn’t able to concentrate well because of the piercing cold and the numbness of my face. But Jisung hyung was busy boiling more water to lessen our pain. Jisung hyung told me that I am wiser than boys my age, so I was in charge of adult things, he said. I stood up slowly, untangling Donghan’s arms around me, leaving the puppy pile behind. I walked to the door and because of the cold It felt like it was miles away. Finally reaching the door, I hesitated a little bit before I opened the door.

There they was. Two men with black coats standing really tall in front of me, hands clasped into one another, smiling all happily that I know that they’re not harm, even when they wear almost the same thing like the one banging on our door the other day, screaming something loudly while Jisung hyung told us to hide while he “took care of things”. I didn’t know what it was all about, I was ten. I do now.

One of the man crouched in front of me, holding both of my cheeks before letting a quiet giggle. He then asked me questions, basic ones like what is my name, age, my favorite color, and how do I like my eggs in the morning. I answered them like a ten year old would. The man sighed, not in a bad kind of way, a peaceful way like you finally solved a 1000 piece puzzle or solving a complex math equations, that kind of way. Then they both exchanged glances.

I was caught off guard with the question I’ve never heard since I was born.

‘Jihoon-ssi, what is your dream?’

‘I wasn’t supposed to have one, Ahjussi’

I look back and Jisung hyung was crying. He cries a lot, I didn’t think it was serious.

Both of them kept coming, almost twice a week, bringing us gifts as small as a keychain from Paris to a teddy bear sized as big as a refrigerator. I was only a child but I could see something is wrong with Jisung hyung. It was like he was grieving, I could hear his sob in the middle of the night and sometimes he wrapped his arms around me when he thought I was asleep. I could feel the pain in his breathing.

Three months after their constant visit they were signing papers, a lot of them. And one of the men kept holding me close, like he was scared I was going to fade when he let go. Jisung hyung looked a lot better too, like he was accepting things, like he was happy .

He hugged me one last time, looking me straight into my eyes. ‘Jihoonie, you can choose your dream now.’

I learned that their name was Minhyun Appa and Seongwoo Appa (they told me to call them that) and they were (still am) loving and kind and gentle.

They were driving this fancy car that I only see in a movie once when Jisung hyung got his bonus paycheck and he was treating us to go to this huge movie theater with fancy carpets and air conditioners. I step into the car, it was cold inside, and they were giving me this coat that feels expensive, but I used it anyway. And I was heading to a destination, alone, without my friends, without Donghan, without Guanlin, without Jisung Hyung. But I knew that I was safe.

I never said this once to Jisung hyung, not even when i had to move out of the house, not when I turned seventeen and they thrown this huge party I never asked and everyone’s invited. But i am grateful for him, I always am. He was as cold as we are on that winter night, shivering so hard, I could see his whole body shaking. But he never asked for the heater bottle, even when it reached his hands, he pressed it on Guanlin’s tummy instead. 


	2. Park Woojin

I woke up to the strong smell of garlic and red pepper paste, the house always smells acidic and fishy when Eomma is making kimchi, and that means every 2 weeks. She made big batches because our family consumes a lot of them, even when there’s only the four of us (plus my little sister, Park Yerim.) Eomma always up early as long as I remember, never i seen her sleeping pass 7 AM and that is becoming a habit in our family. Everyone seems really busy. Yerim practicing her ballet, Eomma is cooking and Appa is having his morning coffee while reading the newspaper.

‘Why are you up so late, Woojin-ah?’ Eomma asked while marinating the pile of cabbages, mustard leafs, and carrots. It is only 7.30.

‘I had to do some things till late at night, college admission thing.’ I said lightly while sitting in front of my mom and helping her marinate the kimchi.

I shouldn’t bring it up early morning because I could see her face suddenly brightens, meeting my face with a hopeful expression.

‘You decided to apply for medical school?’ Her eyes beams with so much hope I couldn’t have the heart to tell her that I didn’t want this. No, not that i don’t have university on my mind. I want to go, I really do, but what I had in mind is quite different with Eomma’s. So I just hums a response to her, not bringing the topic any further.

Appa is a doctor. A prestigious one. He’s one of the people the whole medical field look up to. He is one of the best _neurosurgeon_ in Korea, nervous systems and all of that cool stuff. His generosity is well-known too. My father is rarely at home, he travels a lot to different places to help people. For people in need and I admire him for that. He have a heart of gold and I want to be like him. But being a doctor is not on my list of good deeds to-do list.

I never wanted to be a doctor, never crosses my mind. But they, especially my father, expects me to. It’s not like I don’t want to help people. I really do. But we can help people in so many different ways. Like accountant helping people count money or even astrologist who helps us predict the future by the position of the planets, sun, and moon. I don’t believe in them, but there are people who do.

It’s not like I don’t have the brain to be a doctor, I always excels in class and tops all of my classmates without even trying too hard. It’s just not my thing, except for the chic looking coats. They do look cool.

I always loved dancing since I was as little. My mom loved watching me dance too (my dad is busy he couldn’t come, at least that’s what he said.) , but they never expected that I want to pursue it as a full time job. _Dancing is not a job_ they say. It is. I don’t know, but I don’t care.

I mentioned it once on the dining table and I swore my mom is looking at me wide eyed, my father doesn’t even care enough to look up from his plate, plainly ignored me for the whole week _._ I never mentioned dancing again, not when I could give them a heart attack.

I try to see from a parent perspective, Maybe my father just wanted me to not suffer and earn enough money, But I don’t care about money. Never did. I just want to be happy, but my parents happiness are above mine, I want them to be happy too.

 As I scroll down the admission form, I stay up all night clicking back and forth between medical and performing arts. I know what I want and it’s different from what my parents expected.

I ended up applying for both and I take out every money and savings i own, I spend half of the night counting them and the rest, I dream doing the things I love most.

I want to be a dancer.

_I want to be more than my parents expectations._


	3. Eomma

People say teenagers are a pain the ass, Woojin is different. He is always a good son. An overachiever, they said. He did so well in school that I don’t even last 5 minutes when I take his results, they always tell me that I did a good job parenting. I am not.

This is why I don’t believe why I am not a good parent:

I know everything about him, I know when he lied.

I knew that one time he brought a boy home, Ahn Hyeongseob (I even wrote his name down), that he was more than a friend. I see how his hand rested on the back of his hip when they entered the house and immediately lets go when he noticed I was there. I see how Woojin kisses him on the forehead in front of the porch before walking him home from the window above. He stopped coming after that, and that explained why Woojin skipped school for a whole week, telling me it’s fever.

I knew it’s not.

I knew how heartbreak felt.

I notice a lot of things of Woojin, things I think my husband didn’t notice. I know Woojin loves dancing with all his heart, I see his smile so bright everytime he finishes a performance and I knew it wouldn’t be short like moody teenagers that are figuring things out and trying to find themselves. I knew he loves performing and being on stage. He even drags me sometimes to his shows when we was little, My husband never came, eventually he stopped asking me to watch.

 My husband didn’t know a lot of things because he’s out there travelling to help hundreds of people and I love him for that.

I knew this day would come, and it did. But I didn’t expect he will mention dancing school in the dining table without telling me beforehand. I could’ve defended him or could’ve persuade my husband to let Woojin do what he want. But Woojin never came to me for advice. But I let him do what he want even when I know my husband wouldn’t approve. Because I love him that much.

I knew Woojin always knew what he wanted.

_Woojin always knew who he was._


	4. Park Jihoon

They say that the only thing that one really knows about human nature is that it changes.

And sometimes it is for the better.

People have a list of things they want to change if they have a time machine (if they even exist, and even if they do, it will be hella expensive and no one will actually able to afford it.) ,but I won’t change anything, even my past. _Especially my past_. It was not all glitter and rainbows, but I have Jisung Hyung and Guanlin and Donghan. They’re better than anything I couldn’t ask for anything better.

I am grateful for everything i had and everything I have and everything that I am becoming today.  I wouldn’t change it for everything in this whole wide world even for unlimited supply of Minhyun Appa’s famous crispy chicken. And it’s a big deal (for me.)

My mouth waters to the scent of chicken in the oven, my feet dancing relentlessly as I watch the sand from the old vintage hourglass (who even owns a hourglass this age except for Seongwu Appa anyway?) finally, almost reaching the end.

Minhyun Appa giggles at the sight of me probably drooling over the chicken. Opening the oven lid, unleashing the smell even more, and closes it again while peeking at me who’s huffing exaggeratedly at his teasing. He knows my weakness.

He finally takes out the chicken and letting it cool completely. I can’t believe I have to wait another minute. Five minutes to be exact _, it’s ridiculous_.  ‘Wait Jihoon-ah, you will burn your tongue.’ He says before putting it on my plate and in a matter of seconds it was left with nothing. I don’t take warnings.

Mornings are always beautiful like this. Minhyun Appa is always cooking in the morning, making us lunchboxes, singing (he has the most calming voice, i personally think he’s a mermaid.) as he cooks everything while cleaning at once, he’s the best at multitasking and cleaning up messes probably because Seongwu Appa is always spilling things and breaking things.

Minhyun Appa is the worst clean freak I’ve ever seen in my 19 years of living but how is he capable of handling Seongwu Appa is always a big question for me. Seongwu Appa is probably just sitting somewhere in this house (that’s obviously too big for the 3 of us.)

The house is a colonial style mansion, classic architecture with a whooping 5 storey high and an extra indoor swimming pool and home theatre to add. My room is on the 3rd floor (we even have elevators. Crazy, huh?) and theirs in on the 2nd floor. We have so many spare rooms that Jisung Hyung, Guanlin, Donghan, and the others like to stay over at summer and winter break or even when Guanlin is scared after watching too many Buzzfeed Unsolved or when Donghan had his very first heartbreak he crashed at my house for 2 weeks straight.

I finally found Seongwu Appa at the garage fixing his vintage car that looks really old and rusty. I’m not surprised though, the car breaks down at least twice a week and I don’t even understand why he kept it.

‘Hey, Jihoon. how’s the college admission?’ Seongwu Appa looks up from the car while wiping off the black liquid thing from his hands and wiping his sweat, transferring it to his forehead instead. Minhyun Appa will be furious when he sees that.

‘Umm. I still have so many things to consider. I haven’t applied to any’ I answers. I am still distracted to the mess he made himself.

‘Why not?  I thought you _love_ drawing.’ Seongwu Appa puts his disgusting, wet lapcloth next to him. I cringe a bit, I got it from Minhyun Hyung. ‘if it’s about the money….’ He continues carefully.

‘No. no it’s not that. I swear. I mean, yes I love drawing and all. But I was thinking maybe I’m going to take psychology instead? I don’t know.. I still don’t know.’ I ramble as i cut the topic about money off. ‘You know, big life decisions.’ Good thing Seongwu Appa just brushes it off.

I’m always a little bit careful about money. I never asked for a dime from them even when they’re my parents, I am always working part time to cover my own expenses. They’ve done enough. They paid for my school, a private school with fancy uniforms and ties and shiny shoes. They paid for my piano lessons and ballet and the list goes on. They gave me food, shelter, and love. I couldn’t ask for anything more because I have everything that I will ever need.

‘Psychology? That’s new. I mean, you love reading I guess it makes sense.’ Seongwu Appa furrowed his brows and (finally) cleaning up his forehead. ‘But, you can try anything you know. If it doesn’t fit just find something else. You know we will always support anything that you choose.’

‘Yes. I know. Thank you. For everything. I’m going to go out for a bit with Donghan, we’re getting ice cream. I will tell you my decision later. Thankyouthankyouthankyou’ I said as I kissed him on the cleanest part of his cheeks and running before he got his stained fingers on me.

‘the last deadline for admission is tonight! Don’t miss it Jihoon-ah!’ Seongwu Appa half shouted and I throw my thumbs in the air signing that I understand.

* * *

 

Donghan is waiting at the doorstep, waving his hands at me. I jogged a little to his way and when I got close he puts his hands on my shoulder and dragging me outside of the _castle_ as Guanlin and Donghan put it.

I let him take me to his car. ‘Sudden ice cream proposal? What’s with you and Kenta Hyung?’ I gave him the knowing look.

‘What. No. why can’t I have a date with my bestfriend without being questioned?’ He protested. I didn’t say a word. ‘fine. We were fighting a bit before I got here, but that’s not the point.’

‘It is the point. If you need someone to talk…’

‘He was taking my last piece of chicken. You know how we are and chickens. See? No big deal. We are having a movie night at his place after this.’ I shrugged. Donghan continues while starting his car and putting on the seatbelt to himself. ‘I just miss my bestfriend. That’s all.’

‘You stayed at my house last week and we see each other at school yesterday.’ I put on the seatbelt securely to myself because well, Donghan looks really tough and all but he’s a bad driver. And I know even when I can’t drive for shit.

‘I know, I know. That’s not why I brought you here. It’s about University.’ Donghan pauses and I don’t know if I should be worried. ‘I think you should know this straight from me. That your parents are paying for my tuition. I’m very thankful for that, they’re amazing people.’ I nodded. I couldn’t agree more. ‘but they’re asking me to take care of you. Like a personal bodyguard kind of way, and I don’t want to lie to you so that’s why I’m telling you this.’ Donghan finishes his sentence and waits for my reaction.

I’m not mad at them. I couldn’t be. Not only that they paid for my tuition, they’re paying for my bestfriend as well. They can be really overprotective to the point that I feel kind of offended, they care for me as if I’m going to run out of the house any minute. And I won’t. I love them too much to leave.

‘That’s all?’ I chuckle at the tense Donghan beside me, acting all guilty and apologetic. ‘I think the problem right now is what major are we gonna take. Isn’t that the real crisis? The admission closes tonight, I still don’t know what to choose.’

‘Let’s just have our deserved ice cream while we figure out how not to fuck up our future.’ Donghan loosen up and finally lets out a laugh.

That’s what I really love about Donghan, that he’s honest and will go to any length to protect me.


	5. Park Woojin

It’s been 2 months since the closing of the college application and I haven’t told my parents about me wanting to study performing arts. the moment is just not right everytime. Or maybe I just didn’t have the courage to tell them.

I’ve been anxiously checking my e-mail every single day and wishes somehow i didn’t get accepted into medical. A perfect son, I know. And with my perfect attendance and straight A’s, it’s going to be difficult. People usually say the other way around.

‘Should I just drop college all together?’ I asks Daehwi. I didn’t mean it (but not entirely.)

‘You’ve been gushing about dance and performing arts and shit all year and when the day finally come you chickened out. Great.’ Daehwi says while sitting in his boyfriend’s lap. People would feel uncomfortable being the third wheel but I’ve been a professional since 2016.

‘You know this is not easy you can’t do this to your friend.’ I lean to Jinyoung, Daehwi’s boyfriend, as well. It’s not weird at all. I needed the mental support.

‘I know, hyung. But you need to tell them otherwise and being soft on you won’t help and you know that.’ Daehwi removes my head from Jinyoung’s shoulder and drapes his arms all over him to mark boundaries. ‘…And stop touching my boyfriend.’ This is the time when I needed a boyfriend the most.

‘I will tell them. the results are coming out today anyway. I have to tell them eventually.’ I stand up as I watch the love birds cuddle some more. I let out a long sigh while heading to Jinyoung’s refrigerator to make something to eat. Good thing Jinyoung have his own place, couldn’t bear to stay at home with this huge of a mess in my head.

As I leans on the kitchen counter, holding a chocolate milk in one hand, scrolling my phone in my other. I see a notification pops up. _It was from Korea University._

_The results._

I opened the email. the subject is vague, couldn’t tell I was accepted or not but it was all in red letters and sometimes it is not a good sign. I read the letters one by one because I was so nervous I don’t want to see the results.

Dear, WOOJIN PARK

The committee on Admissions has completed its regular decisions meetings, and I am very sorry to inform you that we cannot offer you admission to the class of 2019.

Sincerely, TAEHYUN LEE

_We cannot offer you admission to the class of 2019._

_WE CANNOT._

My heart is pounding and my head is spinning. I didn’t expect this to happen, how can I be rejected when I got perfect grades and I was active on the student committee and I was the dance captain and I was… this is bullshit.

Half an hour ago I was praying so I won’t get accepted but here I am panicking because well, what will I tell my mother? And father? I haven’t made any plans, I did,  but to _reject_ , not to get _rejected_.

I don’t even say goodbye to the both of them, didn’t say a word. i just texted Daehwi on my way out.

**To: Lee Daehwi**

Urgent matters. Have to go. Say thanks for jy for me.

**To : Stupid Hyung**

Are you okay? Text me when it’s settled. Jy is worried too. >:(

**To : Lee Daehwi**

Don’t be. Will be fine.


	6. Lee Taehyun

It was the busiest time of the year because it was admission week and there are so many applications and e-mails. Students that are applying are way more than this university could handle hence so many rejections and it feels the worst to break the bad news to people, good news are better in general.

I was sorting the papers when I came across one application that catches my eyes. _Park Woojin._ He has everything that this university needs. Straight A’s, active in a lot of after-school activities and he’s the captain of the volley team. And then it catches his eyes. _Dance_.

He used to be a dancer. not now, he haven’t dance in years. But he used to when he was In high school and he loved it. But his father is against him and he knew exactly why. My mother left when I was only 5, I don’t even recognize her face when she reached out for me when I was seventeen. We were in need of money and my father is a doctor, he earns more than enough to keeps us alive and I knew my dad’s been saving up for me to go to medical school.

I hated it. I hated it with all my guts. I studied hard of course, I couldn’t bear to see my father’s money gone to waste. They were expensive and I have to work a lot of shifts to cover my expenses. It was one of those hard times, I couldn’t even think about what I want anymore. But look at me now, drafting papers in a room, small enough, I could hear my own breath.

I checked his background and recognizes his father’s name. He’s one of the leading doctors we have here in Korea and I have a sense that probably that’s why his only son applied to medical.

He opens the next page and they are supposed to tell us the other university they applied to. _Chung Ang University Division of Performing Arts._

He was just like me. With enough support and resource. He was capable of reaching his dream, becoming a better version of me.

I slipped the paper back to the paper map and he reached the stamp on my desk.

 i’m doing this for you.

I’m doing this for us.

_REJECTED._


	7. Park Woojin

I’ve been standing at my front yard for almost half an hour now. it is one of those rare days where my father is home and all I have is bad news. I am pacing back and forth, putting my hands on the door knob and removing it again for the thousand times. Do I really have to do this? What if I drink invisible potion and lock myself in my room for eternity? That’s the best solution I could ever think of, except that I bring nothing but my phone and there’s no such thing as magic.

I finally gathered the courage to enter the house. Didn’t know when I will be kicked out, eventually maybe. I open the door quietly, trying not to make a noise. Tip-toing my way to my room but it is 6.30 PM and Eomma is busy preparing for dinner and Yerim is following her around. I have the best timing honestly. _Not_.

My dad is out of sight (for now) but I think he’s showering and I shouldn’t be relieved but I am. I stand near where they’re standing and I just kept quiet. If I run to my room now, will they notice?

Eomma turned her back, noticing me now. Word is a prayer indeed.

She seems a little taken back, maybe she’s a little bit surprised. ‘Woojin-ah, you’re home. Why are you so quiet? Help Yerim set up the table for me? Dinner’s almost ready’ she says while stirring the soup she made.

‘Yes, Eomma.’ i take the plates out of Yerim’s small hands that makes everything looks heavy, asking her to prepare the utensils instead. ‘Come on Yerim let’s go!’ she follows me to the table.

I set up the table with Yerim and my dad is there sitting on the table, I almost jumped because I was so scared. The table is ready and we are sitting on the table.

The food prepared is too much for the four of us and I have no appetite at all. I am playing with my food, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. Retreating from conversations too. I am finding words, my brain is thinking hard that I don’t think food is my priority right now.

Eomma seems to notice that I am being weird. I was trying to be obvious, so I don’t have to start the conversation. Or maybe it is easier if I just tell them the point. It’s one of the other eventually, the tension is killing me.

‘I didn’t get in.’ I say, hands shaking and I keep my head down low. Picking up food with my fork and putting it down again. The attention is on me now.

‘What do you mean, Woojin-ah?’ The voice in Eomma’s voice is different like she’s trying to comfort me. if only she could understand what I meant without me highlighting it.

‘Medical school.  I got rejected. I’m sorry.’ Still keeping my head down, mushing down food with my fork. ‘I really am.’ My voice is smaller by the minute. Maybe I am not brave enough after all.

The table is dead silent. It was always like this, we were never really close as a family. But this time, the silence is different. As if even the oxygen is disappointed in me. they should be.

‘Didn’t expect much from you anyway.’ Dad finally opens his mouth, and I wish he didn’t. Because it hurts and I want him to take the words back but I know it’s true. I am a living, walking disappointment to the family. I don’t know what I expect anyway. For them to pat my back and say it’s okay? or for them to celebrate that I don’t have to do the things I hate most. I open and closes my mouth, finding excuses I shouldn’t be looking.

Eomma trying to twist the words, but it’s making it worse. Because I understand it clearly.  ‘What Appa said is probably, you don’t have to go to medical school if you don’t want to-‘

‘No, what I meant is that you’re the biggest disappointment of my life and it is better for you to leave.’ Appa’s tone is firm. He’s kicking me out of the house, and I didn’t even mention dancing yet. He have kicked me couple of times, he’s hot headed and I know he didn’t mean it. I never actually take it to heart when he kicked me out the house. but this time, I stands from the dining table I pack everything I probably need in a duffle bag

I get out of the house.

_And I leave._


	8. Park Seojoon

It was summer and he was sixteen, juggling school, training, and a part-time job. His parents didn’t approve of him becoming an idol, but he have hopes and dreams and nothing can take that away from him.

Eventually at 17, he signed a special trainee contract to a small company that promises him beautiful words. He was seventeen, he believed everything they said. He faked his parents’ signature and he ran off to Seoul from Busan with enough money to last him 2 weeks, a single backpack, and big dreams.

It was hard. Eventually his money ran out and he had to rely on cup noodles to stay alive. He had 3 part time jobs all throughout the week and he started busking on streets. Dancing is his passion and will always be. Training every single day while knowing nothing about his future debut, he was hopeful.

At 18, he finally realizes that maybe this is a mistake. Going to Seoul and risking everything just to see his passion for dancing dims out. His knees are hurting and his back are aching for the constant practice and busking he have to do to have food on his plate every single day. and then he met Sooyeon, the waitress at a cheap restaurant he always go to when he have extra money from work. He was in love and so is she. There’s nothing more beautiful than falling in love with someone who loves you back.

He met her parents, they don’t approve him and he can understand why. He’s basically living on the streets, having no enough income, and in a strained relationship with his parents. He started to let go of his dreams to chase the one he love. They say love is a sacrifice and he sees it right in front of his eyes.

He went back to Busan to make amends with his parents, They didn’t accept at first. He had to go back and forth to Seoul and Busan because of the stupid contract he signed when he was seventeen. He decided it was the worst decision of his life. They paid for his medical school and he’s relieved that he had a chance after all.

At 19, He figured out that the small entertainment company is a scam and they’re taking all of the trainee’s deposit money. He stopped busking, cut ties with all of his trainee friends.

He never danced again.

At 24, He graduated from medical school with a semi cum-laude and he asked Sooyeon’s hand in marriage. Her parents approved of him because he finally got his life together. He understood that her parents wanted the best for her daughter. So he’s giving them the best version of him.

He knew that his love for dancing runs deeply into Woojin. Since he was little he was doing a showcase and dancing performances. He never came to watch. he didn’t want Woojin to love dancing.

Woojin mentions dancing one dinner and he was furious. He didn’t know that dreams doesn’t exist. You need to wake up from your imagination to understand the way life works.

He didn’t want Woojin to go through the same thing.

He wants Woojin to have his life together.

_He wants Woojin to be happy._


	9. Park Jihoon

The night is dark tonight, like pitch black, Usually from where I am standing I could see the stars, even for a little, it’s Seoul what do you expect. The wind today is quite breezy and thank God for my instinct that I bring an extra thick jacket and wrapped a scarf on my neck. I layer the jacket and I am still shivering. I am never friendly with the cold.

Today is the day of the admission result, but I haven’t heard from them since morning. I even do some google and they said that Chung Ang University have a reputation for late replies and I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I have expectations. i have decided drawing is the thing he wants to do most. I believe that every drawing has a soul, and that if you really mean it, your drawings could come to life.

I am pacing through the park near my home, a cold wind blows through me like they know that i needed the reassurance. I find comfort in the autumn breeze. I walk again- to the one where is kind of secluded and quiet. The place I usually go to when i am sad or even when I’m happy.

 The park is not huge or anything, it was small with stone paths and usually in spring the flowers bloom like they are awaken from a deep sleep (and the smell is amazing). The way I see it, is that people misjudged the place as somewhere dangerous, because it is located on the outskirts of town where no one is actually here. People like to judge from the outside, that’s their loss.

I’m walking towards my favorite spot, it was a bench behind a big tree with Christmas lights that I brought from home and wrapped it myself. It was just like my own sanctuary, almost, apparently.

Some time later, I noticed a sound. The sky gone blue, dark indigo blue, as if the world is ending right here. I shivers (probably because of the cold.) If I didn’t hear it wrong it is someone crying. i walk faster to my place (apparently not anymore), several seconds that feels like hours and see a boy, it was too dark, but I could see that he was around my age and was making sounds like he was.. sobbing? while biting his shirt to muffle the sound. It was not working. Should I tell him that?

‘You are sitting at my place.’ I lean to the big tree behind, crossing my arms so I look a little intimidating. Donghan would laugh at me if I did that. I swear I can be scary at times. Donghan just catches me in the wrong moment.

The boy jerks back, looking at me directly with swollen eyes. It looks like he’s been here for quite some time. I didn’t know what happened, I don’t want to ask but across his feet I see a bright pink duffle bag and I feel kind of bad.. _Did he ran out of the house? Did he got someone pregnant? He doen’t look like he’ll bite though?_ There are many possibilities. But I am not interested in a stranger’s life. _Maybe a little._

‘I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go and this one’s seems.. safe.’ The boy stops crying and starts biting his lips. Maybe he’s nervous. Maybe it’s working, I am finally intimidating. He hesitates for a moment, before he he turns around and looks right at me. _He’s cute._

‘It’s fine. But you shouldn’t be here wearing only that. The wind is crazy and maybe at around midnight you’ll probably be dead.’ I noticed he is only wearing a thin white shirt with ripped jeans to make it worst. His face is pale enough already, and the wind only getting stronger. I removed my scarf from my neck and throwing it to him, and he catches it and hugging it to his body. He looks like he’s been waiting for someone to comfort him.

‘I didn’t mean to, you know, be nosy, or something. I sit next to him and eventually helping him to wrap the scarf around his neck because he apparently didn’t know how scarves work. ‘But are you okay?’

‘Not.’ I figured.  ‘it’s a long story, didn’t want to bother you. I could find another place.’ He stands up and sits again. He’s not making any effort to leave. He needed the support. And probably a hug.

‘Park Jihoon. And I have all the time in the world.’ I reaches out my hand and he grabs it hesitantly. He has big hands, not that i care.

‘Park Woojin. Thankyou, Jihoon. I needed this.’ He says weakly and I could hear his stomach growling, I think he haven’t eaten yet. Our eyes met and I could feel the electricity growing through my veins. I don’t think i should feel like this.

‘A-are you hungry? Let’s get something to eat?’ The boy seems hesitant at first but then I take his pink duffle bag and he have no choice to follow along.

While we are walking, the silence follows.

‘How old are you?’ I break the silence.

‘Nineteen.’ He said shortly. I nod, believing him. Why would he lie anyway? I _believed_ that we are the same age and that he got kicked of the house because he didn’t got accepted to a medical school (which is ridiculous.) and all the details about his family that I shouldn’t know. We just met 15 minutes ago after all.

We arrived at the nearest seven eleven because it’s the only thing that’s open at almost midnight. I am screening through the aisles, taking a chocolate bar and chocolate milk (don’t judge me I love chocolates who doesn’t?)

The boy is taller than him, just a little, but there’s a noticeable gap. He’s awared of this when they walk side by side. His voice is deeper with a hint of satoori. I think he’s from Busan, not that I’m wondering or anything. I asked him eventually, and he said that he loses the accent long time ago . I’m pretty sure he still have them though? He’s probably in denial.

I peek through between the shelves and I could see his face clearly now with this bright lights shining on him. He have beautiful eyes, that’s one thing for sure, it was dark brown with a hint of golden sparkle in it, even though it is swollen now his eyes still looks majestic. His skin is two shades darker than me probably and paired with his messy hair, he almost looks dangerous. I wonder how do he look without the swollen eyes and red nose. I shake my head. This time, I am in denial.

The boy is heading to the cashier and I rushes to put all my chocolate to the table while pushing all of our stuff and paying It all together. I don’t know why I did it, he’s probably think that I’m weird. The boy seems confused and protest things I don’t want to hear. I can be persistent. I take the plastic bag to the table and empty the items inside.

‘Why are you paying for me? this is not fair.’ The boy protested again but sitting down in front of me like he have no other choice. Told ya I’m intimidating. I’m smiling too myself now and I’m _pretty_ sure he thinks I’m odd.

‘My treat. It’s the least that I can do. Think of it as a present, a welcoming gift.’ I says as I open the packet of chocolate and biting half of it in a second. This is only the first time I hear Woojin laugh, but it is already very dangerous. He is, from the start.

‘Never got a welcoming gift from a stranger before. Wait, are you sure you’re not a serial killer? Because Hansel and Gretel are fed with food before they got kidnapped.’ Woojin smirks and he’s obviously not intimidated by me because he’s opening his sandwich and eating it. Why don’t he run? And why is he not scared of me?

‘…And the witch died in a fire oven because they pushed her. What are you implying right now?’ I pouted to look more _fierce_ but he’s laughing again and I don’t think it’s working. I don’t think it ever worked on anyone. maybe Donghan is right.

My phone rings a couple of times and I checks it to see messages from Guanlin.

**To : Bunny Hyung**

Hyung, where are you? did you forget that I’m sleeping over? I am alone in your castle and it is scary as hell. Answer my calls!!

**To : Guanlinnie**

Hey, I’m coming. I am eating with a friend. Will go back probs at midnight. See u don’t watch another eps of Buzzfeed unsolved.

Woojin probably notices that it’s late because he’s checking his non-existent watch and looked anxiously out of the window. He probably feels bad. Now I am too.

‘It’s late. I think you should go home. I can take care of myself, really, Jihoon.’ Woojin says while finishing his last bite of sandwich and starts cleaning up the table. He’s cleaning after me too. I don’t know why my stomach turns. I think I eat too many chocolates.

‘Yeah, I probably should. My parents could be a little protective when it comes to curfews.’ I watches him as he walks to the trash to throw out our papers and plastics. His back is turned to me.

We walk out the door. ‘Thankyou Jihoon. For the food, for everything. I should go too. Goodbye..’ He’s turning his back to the opposite direction of my house. I turn my back too and I walk slowly and when I look back he’s not too far. He looks lost almost and I remembered he currently didn’t have home. I chased after him, tapping him lightly on the shoulders. Oh God, Jihoon. you’re going to regret this so much.

‘Do you want to stay at my place?’


	10. Park Woojin

To say that his house is huge is an understatement. It was a deadass _palace_ , I’m telling you. I look back to the high fence that’s bordering the mansion and I look so, so small. I’m standing in place. not really sure if I should go in or not, this is beyond my craziest expectations (one of them Is that Jihoon is actually a serial killer and how is the fact that he’s maybe a prince shocks me more.)

‘It’s fine. Come in. my friends sleeps here all the time. It’s too big for only the three of us anyway.’ Jihoon says to me gently, as if i am a four year old. I did notice that Jihoon talks softly. When I try to speak soft, the words doesn’t’ come out. Blue-blooded aristocrats are different.

‘I don’t know if it’s okay.. I don’t-‘ Jihoon puts a hand on my mouth (it is soft but it is not my biggest concern right now.) Jihoon pushes me from behind and then he opens the front door. The sound is loud because the door is huge, so big that they probably could push an elephant through. Not that I am imagining it. Then there’s two men sitting on the sofa and I guess Jihoon wanted me to meet them judging by the direction he’s dragging me right now.

‘Dads, this is Woojin. My new friend’ _Dads._ Jihoon pauses a bit while looking back at me. ‘…from school.’ Right, you shouldn’t tell your parents that you’re bringing a stranger from a park home. ‘…I never introduces him to you. but he’s staying over tonight. That’s okay right?’ the two _dads_ looks at me gently. Why are they not judging me? I look like a mess. I could be a hobo.

‘Hello, I am Park Woojin.’ I bowed as I introduces myself and both of the men that’s supposed to be Jihoon’s _dads_ stands up to greet me. I see where Jihoon got his genes, either of them? or any of the best genes in the world.

‘Hello, nice meeting you Woojin-ssi. Make yourself at home. Jihoon-ah, Guanlin’s been waiting for you since hours ago I think you should meet him upstairs.’ Jihoon mutters something in his breath and then gesturing me to follow him. ‘Have fun, boys!’ I bowed to them one last time before following Jihoon to the elevator. _Of course they have elevators._

‘I’m adopted and no, I’m not a prince of any kind I swear.’ Jihoon blurts out. I didn’t ask, but I wanted to eventually. I didn’t say anything back, I have the stupidest brain on earth it’s better if I just shut up. I nod politely and making eye contact through the glass reflection.

The elevator stops at the fourth floor and Jihoon is holding the elevator door asking me to exit with his eyes. I followed the instruction. I stepped out before a boy twice taller than me hugs me and throwing me in the air almost.

‘Guanlinnie!!! Put him down.’ Jihoon runs towards the boy and trying to separate the boy from me. the boy looks surprised and he freezes for a whole minute, not even blinking. Wearing a _shit I fucked up_ on his face. I’m just glad I’m not dead.

‘I-I’m sorry,’ The boy and Jihoon seems to have an eye contact battle because they are both freezing in place and the situation couldn’t get any awkward ‘…I didn’t know you have a boyfriend?’ I could feel my face is burning red and I really want to run right now.

‘He’s not my b-boyfriend’ why is he stuttering, it’s cute. And to think that my face couldn’t get any hotter, I am absolutely wrong.

> _I have nowhere to go and I am crying. My vision is mostly obscured by tears. I am walking and walking until I see something bright. A somekind of hanging lights on a tree, with a wood bench behind them,. i put down my duffle bag and opening it to see the useless things I brought. I didn’t even bring my phone. Great. The wind is blowing in my face and I’m freezing but I didn’t bring anything other than t-shirts and two dozens of underwear. I can’t understand how my brain works sometimes. it fits me, rejected to medical school._
> 
> _I cry some more until I see a boy looking down at me. I think he’s around my age with thick jackets and a scarf that’s covering half of his face. I didn’t want to talk to him at first, he could be a psychopath or maybe a ghost. But he’s asking questions with a gentle tone and I somehow feels safe. He throws his scarf at me, uncovering his face and even in the dark I could tell that he’s absolutely gorgeous. Why would you hide a face like that? It’s not that I didn’t know how to use a scarf but he’s sitting next to me and from up close I could see that his eyes sparkles, and literally glitters. This must be a dream. He wrapped the scarf around my neck and he feels real again._
> 
> _I think my brain is deceiving me because I could feel my heart beating. This is not normal. I haven’t felt like this in a long time._

‘You can take the room over there near the corner or you could sleep with me?’ Jihoon suddenly realizes what he’s saying and stutters some more ‘NOT in that way. I d-don’t know what are you thinking, but don’t t-think. IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.’ Jihoon is blushing a hundred shades of red, covering both of his ears. Shouldn’t he cover his eyes? I think that he’s the top three cutest thing in the world. Not that I have a list.

‘I’m not thinking of anything.’ I can’t help but smirk and nods teasingly. Jihoon clears his throat. Stumbling and finding his balance back in his feet in a second. I would love to catch him. For safety reasons.

‘AS I was saying. Guanlin sleeps at my room and the room’s huge so you can stay in OUR room if you want, THE THREE OF US can sleep, you know, you can sleep on the couch. Or maybe I should.’ Jihoon is still blushing and putting his head down and playing with his fingers. _How. can. someone. this. cute. exists._

‘I’d love to, Jihoon. Needed the company anyway. If you don’t mind..’ I put my hands on his shoulders calming him down, while still trying not to tease him for being adorable.

‘Umm can you guys stop flirting right in front of my salad.’

‘SHUT THE FUCK UP GUANLIN.’


	11. Park Jihoon

Families are supposed to give each other comfort.

At least that’s what I thought.

I give up on the sketch of Woojin that I’ve been working on, I close my eyes and lean back to the chair. In my mind, I could draw him with the wind.

I sighed, sighting the two boys screaming around like kids. I still think that Woojin is lying about his age. He doesn’t look nineteen. Woojin is running out of clean clothes to wear explaining the colorful t-shirt, I’ve only seen him in black and white.

It’s the seventh day Woojin is staying over and frankly I am quite worried about him. It’s not food or water or electricity kind of worry, he even offered to pay my parents (that they reject of course) but it’s his relationship with his parents. He should not be running out of the house for a whole week when he could’ve talked to them. They say communication is key to everything. I believe in that too.

‘Woojinnie.’ I called him from the front of the door, food in my hand while he and Guanlin continues playing video games. I walk to them, trying not to fall. Balance is not my forte.

Honesly, I asked Guanlin to stay with us too, to accompany Woojin. He just need an excuse to stay over. Donghan too, like the protective friend he is. I’m taking a stranger home anyway. Woojin jolts his head back for a second, murmuring a yes and play some more.

‘You babied Woojin too much, Hoon. What happened to our ice princess?’ Donghan commented from the couch with his mouth full of popcorn. ‘Hey, Woojin. Did you know that Jihoon doesn’t even want to bring us water.’ He looks at me, mouthing. ‘If it’s not love I don’t know what is.’ I threw the nearest plushie I can grab, he deserves it most.

I pouted while putting the tray down next to Guanlin ‘He’s a guest. You guys practically _lives_ here. I can’t even get rid of you guys.’ Wrong location. Guanlin puts the whole sandwich in his mouth. Do he even swallow? ‘I want to talk to you, Woojinie. Without those two ungrateful brats.’

‘ooohh.. confession time’ Guanlin mutters under his breath and I have never want to disown someone so badly in my 19 years of life. I don’t even bother to kick him in the face. Woojin stands up from his seat giving his joystick to Donghan, that I also want to kick in the face, making his way to me.

* * *

 

I love having Woojin here, even from day 1.

It was the night we met, he was so hesitant, like he was scared. He should, cause I will be too. it was raining just 5 minutes after we entered my room. He stays in place, looked all over my room, each side for 3 minutes (that’s a total of 12 minutes of standing.) He looked like a lost puppy, moving, finally, standing in the middle of the room.

I figured out that he didn’t bring pajamas. I lent him my oversized pink fluffy ones that when I first showed it to him I could see a glimpse of disgust in his face. He hides it almost immediately. It’s cute. I giggled at his reaction and kinda forced him to wear it. It was really late at night and Guanlin was sleeping next to me on the bed while he’s on the couch near me.

‘Jihoon.. I feel so bad. I didn’t meant for this to happen. I should find another place tomorrow.’ Woojin sounds sad, like he’s broken. i got up from the bed and sitting next to him on the couch.

‘Woojin are you okay?’ I took his blanket from his hands, spread it all over him, he was only holding it in his hands the whole time. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ I copy Minhyun Appa’s word. he would’ve said exactly like that.

‘I want to say I am. But I’m not. I don’t want to do this,’ Woojin hugs his knees and even though it’s dark I could see tears are forming in his eyes. I know exactly how it felt, how painful it is to pretend you’re okay. ‘not this. This,’ he’s illustrating with his hands, gesturing on my house and pointing at me and Guanlin. ‘. . .it’s school. I don’t want to be a doctor.’ He pauses. The rain’s beginning to slow down, but there are oceans in his eyes. He started crying. ‘He’s a good person, Jihoon. I want to like medical school but I don’t.’ I want to wipe his eyes, but I don’t have the courage to. I nod instead. ‘ I.. I’m the biggest disappointment, aren’t i?’ he looks up, eyes bloodshot red.

‘No, you’re not. you don’t have to be a doctor to be a good person, Woojin. You have passion for dancing and it’s not a bad thing.. nobody can force things on you. even if it’s your own parents. You’re 19 now Woojin you can do whatever you want.’ Woojin stops the tears from falling again and he sits up facing me. there are times when you can’t be brave, and I want him to. I fixed my seating position so I am parallel to him. I try to see things from his eyes.

He replied my gaze. They are indeed oceans. ‘You know you’re really a good person, Jihoon. What kind of boy brings home a pathetic boy home because he got kicked out of the house?’  He rests his head on the sofa, closing his eyes for a moment. If I close my eyes too, will I able to see what he sees?

 ‘The stupid reckless one?’ I laugh. ‘You know you’re not exactly kicked out, right? They’re just being dramatic and you are being dramatic. They are probably out there looking for you.’ I assured Woojin ruffling his hair gently and trying not to hold his reddened cheeks. We held eye contact for 2 minutes straight (I’m not counting, I swear, maybe a little). The silence is comfortable.

‘2 minutes more and I bet you will fall in love with me.’ Woojin blurts out and I could see my face exploded right in front of his eyes. Woojin just laughed, pinching my cheeks adding the redness. where did he got the bravery.

I think I’m not going to sleep tonight.

* * *

 

Breakfast with Woojin is different. Everything is different with him.the table is a lot chit-chatty and loud. He woke up way earlier than me, I thought i am a morning person. I thought wrong.

Minhyun Appa is preparing food as usual, and because there’s guest, he is making pancakes. If only there are guests everyday. The smell from the kitchen is amazing. Seongwoo Appa agrees apparently because he is walking back and forth, checking is the food is ready, every five minutes. Woojin is too, he haven’t eaten anything than cup noodles from last night. He must be hungry, because I am starving.

Woojin is staring at me. ‘Stop staring.’ I break his gaze, he seems surprised. I laugh.

‘Am not. You just look . . . different from last night.’ He say again, still keeping his eyes on me. I laugh again, nothing’s funny.  I’m nervous.

‘Is that a good thing or a bad thing?’ I teases, trying to shake the flush on my cheeks. the sun is too bright, that’s probably it.

‘. . .None! it’s just the lights. People act and look differently at night too.’ He thinks it’s the light too. See, I am right.

I raised by brows at his words. Did he just say that I’m a stripper? ‘Are you saying that I am a vampire or a werewolf. Because if I’m a mythical creature, I’ll probably be little riding hood.’ I leave the stripper part out. It’s still early in the morning.

He furrowed his brows, making faces. He still looks cute. ‘. . .You do know that red riding hood is not a mythical creature, right?’ I scrunch my nose two times.

Seongwoo Appa comes from the kitchen bringing the strawberry compote and fresh blueberries on hand. ‘What are you boys talking about?’

‘We’re deciding what kind of a mythical creature Jihoon is, uncle.’ Woojin explains, Seongwu Appa correcting him to call him Appa instead. Woojin bows politely.

‘. . . Jihoon is definitely a mermaid.’ Seongwu Appa take a bunch of blueberries, putting it in his mouth. Minhyun Appa comes with the rest of the food with Guanlin. I see a big bite on one of the freshly cooked pancakes. I’m looking at Guanlin.

‘Sirens. Mermaids are not dangerous. They’re too soft, not very Jihoon like. Sirens have the ability to control mind and all of that cool stuff.’ Minhyun Appa joins in on the conversation.

‘. . .And they kill people. Jihoon hyung is capable of that.’ Guanlin adds. The whole table laughs, it’s the first time I see Woojin this bright.

_Happiness looks good on Woojin._

 

* * *

 

‘Are you _finally_ kicking me out? Or are you gonna kill me here.’ Woojin asks while leaning at the door to the empty bedroom I bring him to. Big mistake, it kinda looked like I’m going to finish him off. My face blushes 10 shades of red (and a glimpse of purple). He, on the other hand, looks kind of confused.

‘No.. N-Not that. We should find somewhere else?’ I rushes back to where Woojin is standing to exit but he’s blocking the door, he’s putting his hands on my shoulders, pushing me inside gently.

‘I was just kidding. You were jumpy all morning. i was happy when you wanted to talk with me.’ Woojin reasoned and I took a big breath. ‘Is there something I need to know?’ he asks.

I pause a couple of minutes, trying to find the words that wont offend him. I am not trying to offend him. ‘You should go back to your parents. You haven’t left this place in a week, they must’ve think you’re murdered or something. I am not kicking you out. I’m worried about you… as a friend and your friends will be dead worried about you. you didn’t have your phone remember?’ I take a deep breath.  ‘You should talk to them about performing arts and your dreams and passion instead of hanging out with a stranger you just met a couple days ago. This is not getting you anywhere.’ I say and he nods, sitting on the bed. He’s quiet, like he’s thinking. He’s always thinking. I wonder what’s the inside of his head.

‘I got accepted to Chung Ang University.’ He says finally. ‘. . .I borrowed Guanlin’s laptop and checks. They are accepting me to performing arts, Jihoon.’ it’s like the world blooms In front of him, I can’t help but to be excited. How can i not?

‘You do?? Me too. I am accepted too at Chung Ang, art division!’ First it was only a flower that blooms, now it’s the whole garden. He is bright. He is lighting.

‘. . .See? You should go talk to your parents about this! We could share our dorms or you can stay here!’ I continues. His face lights up again.

I used to think that I didn’t have a weakness. But there he is smiling widely, snaggletooth and all, so gorgeous that i didn’t realize that I was hugging him so hard, resting my chin at the top of his shoulder.

‘I promise we’ll go to Chung Ang together and I can do what I always wanted, when I do, everything’s will be okay. I promise.’ He says, I loosen the pressure on my hands. I hope he don’t feel suffocated as I am right now.

I mutter a soft ‘I am proud of you Woojinie.’ And even though i couldn’t see his face, I know that he was smiling from the way he’s hugging me back.


	12. Park Woojin

I think cold winter nights are meant to penetrate our skin, for us to appreciate the sun. I think the hot piercing sun are meant to scorch our bodies, for us to appreciate the breezy wind. And I think I am meant to be lost, and I am meant to be found.

I think we are meant to be.

And I am meant to be here.

Because no matter how much coins I toss in the fountain, or hundreds of 11:11, I wish upon. If it’s not meant to be, it will not happen.

I didn’t want to accept that I am falling in love with a boy I just met 7 days ago. But I am. Falling. On the ground.

I am comfortable with the warm timbre in his voice and when he touch, my hands curls like you’re squeezing a whole lemon into your mouth, it’s surprising and liberating, at once. He knows how to talk inside of my head, which is mostly made of rocks, I’ve been told. And I listen to everything he say like I’m under a spell. Is he a wizard? Because no normal boy holds the whole galaxy in his eyes, I am both scared and captivated. I couldn’t decide.

I go back to Jihoon’s room and packs up slowly, like time would slow down with me too. I don’t want to leave this place. But the future ahead with Jihoon is more tempting right now.

Guanlin and Donghan are helping me pack, it’s like we’ve been friends for years. Like I’ve been a part of this family for decades.  

Maybe it’s true, that sometimes it has to rain before flowers could grow.

Because flowers are growing inside of my hands, my throat, and my veins.

_And right now I’m a planet wrapped in lands folded in lilies and peonies._


	13. Park Jihoon

Woojin is upstairs packing things to go home and the house is unusually quiet. They say that putting shoes on the table means bad luck. I don’t believe in myths, but i take both of the shoes on top of the coffee table and putting it down on the floor. Just in case.

I make my way downstairs, I am searching for Minhyun Appa and Seongwu Appa. Woojin wanted to thank them and I want to ask Seongwoo Appa to drive us to Woojin’s place. Minhyun Appa is not in the kitchen and he’s not reading in the living room either. They’re not supposed to go to work yet.

I could’ve just asks Donghan to drive us but they love Woojin so much and asking things about him, that, I want Woojin to say goodbye to them before leaving. Seongwoo Appa would’ve been stomped if he loses his dad jokes buddy. We always tell each other everything, and on weekends, I call Jisung Hyung to retell everything. I have three dads after all.

I am walking to the garage when I see a commotion near the front yard. i see Minhyun Appa and Seongwu Appa with around 5 people swarming around them. I sense that this is not something good. Because people looks angry and when humans are angry, they do ridiculous stuff. Unlike dogs. I ran over to check on them.

‘Jihoon. . go back inside of the house right now!!’ I have never seen Minhyun Appa so angry, he never yells at anyone. I don’t care what he said, I wanted to help. As I approach them, I finally see who are the people my parents are fighting with. It was the police, if I’m not wrong and a woman and a man who looks oddly familiar.

The woman sees me and she _looks_ furious. ‘That kid. Your son _abducted_ my child and this is against the law. He shouldn’t be here, he should be in jail. I want my son right now!’ The woman is crying and trying to grab me, I stay in place, Seongwu Appa tell me to stand behind him, I didn’t move. I think they’re Woojin’s parents. Because his dad looks exactly like him. No wonder he looks familiar.

‘Please stand away from the child, it is against the law to interfere with an arrestment.’ The police says to me. _arrestment_.   _Am I really getting arrested?_ I’ve never been arrested, not until now.

‘it is against the law to accuse someone without proof. Your son runs away, this is not any way my son’s fault. It is _you_ who failed at being a parent. Don’t _you_ dare blame it on my baby.’ Seongwu Appa is screaming now and Minhyun Appa started crying, it is a mess, I just want to go with them. I’m innocent. I kinda relieved that this house is huge so Woojin couldn’t hear any of this, he could’ve been disappointed.

‘I have CCTV proof of your son chasing after my son on midnight to guide him somewhere, and that is here. For seven days! How is that not kidnapping?!’ The woman cried again being held back by the man because she was trying to get me. ‘How do you feel if your son is lost for seven days?’ she won’t stop until I go apparently. I will.

I walk straight to the police, standing right in front of him. ‘Just take me Officer Kang.’ I read the nametag on his chest. It seems like he didn’t see this kind of situation ofter, because he is scratching his head. Policeman shouldn’t scratch his head in front of a possible kidnapper. _That I am not._

‘I did nothing wrong. If you believed me, I will get out of there instantly. You know I won’t do things like this.’ I hugged the sobbing Minhyun Appa and whispered to him ‘I”ll be fine. You know I am not in the wrong here.’ Minhyun Appa is grasping the situation, he lets go and ask Seongwoo Appa to start the car.

‘Park Jihoon, You are under arrest for the abduction of Park Woojin. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do may be used as evidence against you in a court of law.’ The man proceeds to handcuffs me and taking me to the car. I didn’t struggle. I just stayed quiet.

I could see Woojin is running frantically from inside of the house with his pink dufflebag.

That is the last thing I see before the car drives away.

I think we shouldn’t put shoes on top of a table. It is unhygienic anyways.


	14. Park Woojin

All of the sports i did in highschool is a waste because my legs are apparently not fast enough to chase after Jihoon. I watch as I speed up, leaving Donghan Hyung and Guanlin behind me, catching up on the situation, that _maybe_ I just got Jihoon arrested.

When my stupid legs reaching, nearing the police car, the car drives away. I see Jihoon inside, hands in cuffs. I absolutely definitely sure that I _literally_ just got Jihoon arrested. _I fucked up._

‘Why are you doing this?’ My hands are trembling in shock, never in my wildest dreams, I would think that I’ll fuck up _this_ bad. my head is pounding hard. I put my hands on my head, trying to stop the heat from making it worse. They did nothing to help me. they just stands there, as if I’m invisible.

Minhyun Appa is hugging me to stop me from screaming. Seongwoo Appa covers my head, the sun today is harsh, but the reality is much worse. Why are they not mad? They should be. I guess kindness runs deeply in the family. I feel like the ground is going to split in half, the whole world is shaking.

Minhyun Appa removes his embrace ‘It’s okay, Woojin-ah. We’re going to the police station now. Please just tell them the truth okay? For Jihoon.. Jihoonie will be released soon after.’ It’s Seongwoo Appa’s turn to hug me, he releases soon after, Calms the earthquake in my head while my biological parents just stands there, doing absolutely nothing. Fucking up the situation that they created their own.

‘Woojin-ah.. come home..’ I see the tears in my mother’s eyes. The saddest thing is to see your parents cry. This is not the time to side with my parents, because they are at fault.

‘I am coming home today because Jihoonie asks me to make amends with you guys. But apparently you have to arrest the only one that cares about me.’ I really didn’t meant for it to came out cold, but I was mad, and we say things we don’t mean when we’re angry. I haven’t made eye contact with Appa throughout this chaos.

I turn my back on them. I left them to follow Minhyun Appa and Seongwu Appa to their car and told my parents to go straight to the police station to clear things up. They didn’t refuse like I thought they would. But I’m a boiling water and i cannot be in the same car as them.

Minhyun Appa holds me the whole time I was crying and he even sits in the backseat with me leaving Seongwu Appa with Guanlin in the passenger seat. I was saying sorry and sorry and sorry for the whole ride and they kept on telling me that it’s fine.

It is not fine.

_It is not fine at all._


	15. Park Jihoon

The police station is different from what i had in mind. In my head, it’s this rusty, chaotic place where offenders are forced to be inside a cell block, and have to clean the toilet if they’re asked. I’ve rolled my sleeves with my mouth, just in case I have to do _things._

The place is actually an office with sounds of vigorous typing and papers everywhere. When I came in, hands in cuffs, everyone seems to stop and stare, like they are guessing what I did. I’m pretty sure kidnapping is not in their mind.

The police that brings me here (the head scratcher) offers me a donut. I reject politely, this could be a trap. What’s with polices and donuts anyway?

They had me inside a room with only table and chairs in the middle of the room, a big two-way mirror is on the one side of the wall. I’ve seen this room in movies. they didn’t hold me for long though, they just asked me to sit in quiet and they left. No one is interrogating me.

I got discharged at the police station 20 minutes later, they say nothing, they just asks me to leave from the room. I exchange a smile with Officer Kang as he guides me to my parents. The first thing I ask is Woojin’s whereabouts. He will be in so much trouble. So will i.

They told me that after Woojin made the testimonies and statements, He is forcing his way to see me and (almost) got arrested (too) but his mom is dragging him to go inside of their car. i don’t think I’ll be able to see Woojin again.

I thought they’re going to be mad. I think they should. Seongwu Appa is oddly quiet, I think that explains everything. We go straight to the parking lot. Minhyun Appa, Donghan, and Guanlin is waiting inside the car and when I opens the car they just finished giggling about something. Why are they not mad?

‘Jihoon Hyung how is it like to be arrested?’ Guanlin asks me. I want to think that it is sarcasm but he do genuinely looks confused. I am confused too.

‘A thrilling experience? I don’t think I’m capable of going to jail.’ I try to be answer Guanlin without being. . . offensive. Seongwu Appa smiled. Minhyun Appa too. I guess they’re not mad except for the occasional glare from Donghan. He’s going to kill me for sure.

‘I don’t like this. Why do you have to be in the middle of his _problems_.’ Donghan finally speaks up, looking down at me. He looks way more disappointed than both of my parents.

‘I am just helping him.. He’s lost and he don’t know where to go. I’ve told you guys everything about him. He’s harmless.’ I explained myself. or explained Woojin. I don’t want him to take the blame.

‘No, Woojin is fine. He’s a good kid, Jihoon-ah. But you have boundaries and you don’t want to cross that.’ Minhyun looks to me from the passenger seat then he extends his hand to reach mine. I hold his hand with both of my hands.

‘I know. I didn’t know things will end up this way. i-I just want to help.’ I squeeze Minhyun Appa’s hand between my palms. He smiles. ‘I-I’m sorry. For disappointing everyone.’ I put my head down, Donghan wraps his hands around my shoulder. Guanlin is hugging me from the side. There are moments that i am really, really grateful. And these are one of those.

‘Will Woojin Hyung visit again though? He haven’t logged out of his e-mails and I want to check mine. So I’m going to log out if he’s not coming back.’ Guanlin announces to me.

We haven’t exchanged contact numbers well, he’s basically living on the same house and I want to ask how he’s been. I don’t know if he’s allowed to see me again but it doesn’t hurt to try (maybe it will hurt, but let’s see.)

‘Let me log out for you, Guanlin. I need to do a couple of things first.’


	16. Park Woojin

Jihoon is finally released from the police station and i don’t even get the chance to apologize, I wanted to but my mom is not letting me out of her sight. I don’t even know why they’re mad. They kicked me out, all the time and I’m leaving for real. She doesn’t say a single word but I could see the disappointment in her eyes. I don’t blame her. I’m disappointed in me too.

We arrived at the house and I make my way to my room instantly. I can’t deal with them right now. not that I can deal with this either.

‘Where the hell were you.’ Daehwi and Jinyoung is waiting for me inside the room. Great.  Usually I like surprises. But not this time. I didn’t say a word.

‘You didn’t have the heart to even tell me where were you? I thought we are your best friend. You ran away from home-‘

‘Oh, is that what they told you?’ I didn’t meant to sound mad, but I am. Not at them though.

‘That’s not the point. Why don’t you come to my house or jinyoung’s apartment instead. Why does it has to be a stranger. What if you got killed or really kidnapped and why can’t you trust me.’ Daehwi is in the verge of tears and I’m not the best at comforting people. I can’t even comfort myself.

‘They will find me instantly if I go to your place. Look, it doesn’t matter. I’m here now and I’m grounded for like 50 years.’ I want to tell Daehwi about _everything_. But it’s really hard now. ‘I found a place and people. They’re amazing people by the way. They won’t even hurt a fly. You know I tell you everything, just not now. I don’t want to talk about this.’ I see the hurt in their eyes as i put my head under the pillow and hope that they will eventually go. I am not up for company right now. they leave the room without saying a word.

I close my eyes and i try to forget.

* * *

 

My body is aching and I woke up from a nap I shouldn’t even have. I was emotionally and physically tired, what do you expect. I really wanted to go back to sleep when I remembered Jihoon. I haven’t told him how I am doing, with a heart like his, he’s probably worried about me. I am too. I’m worried about him.

I scramble through my room to find my phone. Where did I even left them 4 days ago. Do they even have batteries left? I found them on my wardrobe shelf. I must’ve left them when I was frantically pushing everything into a small duffle bag (that I eventually found out that they’re basically nothing important.) they still have a little left. I plug in to the power, hoping that it wont die.

Didn’t have his contact number. How stupid can I be. I don’t remember that I’ll eventually need his number. I growl and I push myself back to bed. I was burying my head again and probably thinking how to get through to Jihoon when I hear a notification on my phone. an e-mail notification.

**From:**

<[parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com](mailto:parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com)>

**to:**

<parkwoojin99@gmail.com>

You know. A goodbye would’ve been nice.

 

I looked up the screen. Trying to figure out who the hell is a jigglypuff when I burst out of laughter. Come to think of it, he do resemblance a jigglypuff. I hold my grin, looking to my left and right, trying not to look like an idiot even when I’m alone in his room.

 

 

**From:**

<[Parkwoojin99@gmail.com](mailto:Parkwoojin99@gmail.com)>

**To:**

<[Parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com](mailto:Parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com)>

Stalker much. Are you sure you’re not a serial killer? Cause right now I wouldn’t believe anything you said. :P

 

 

I hit send and I fidget on my phone, spinning it around in the air. A reply comes five minutes later.

 

 

**From:**

<[parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com](mailto:parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com)>

**to:**

<[parkwoojin99@gmail.com](mailto:parkwoojin99@gmail.com)>

Says a certain boy who forgot to log out of his e-mail from a stranger’s laptop. You know, sometimes I think you are trying to get people to kidnap you. following a stranger home for 3 days and now this. Wait……. is this a trap?

 

 

I laugh way too hard. He’s cute in texts, nothing beats seeing him in real life though. I am holding myself back to not reply as soon as possible. But what can I say, I have zero self-control.

 

 

**From:**

<[Parkwoojin99@gmail.com](mailto:Parkwoojin99@gmail.com)>

**To:**

<[Parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com](mailto:Parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com)>

Being kidnapped by a certain boy is absolutely a dream come true ;). Hey it’s only been, what, like 5 minutes and I’ve already missed your family. Things sucks here, ppl are yelling way too much. But, hey listen to what I’m going to say. I’m sorry, Jihoon. Please tell Minhyun Appa and Seongwu Appa that I am truly, deeply, megasuper sorry for everything. Especially you. and thankyou too, Jihoon.

 

 

From:

[Parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com](mailto:Parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com)

To:

[Parkwoojin99@gmail.com](mailto:Parkwoojin99@gmail.com)

What are you saying! They love you. Guanlin is asking for a rematch btw, “that bird cheated on me” I quoted his exact line (not exaggerating). And I am okay. this is why I reach out to you, to tell you that I’m fine and that I maybe stepped over some boundaries between you and your family. And woojin? If you say megasuper one more time, I think I’ll have to block you.

 

 

From:

[Parkwoojin99@gmail.com](mailto:Parkwoojin99@gmail.com)

To:

[Parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com](mailto:Parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com)

HE is trying to headlock me while I was playing, how am I cheating?? U tell that little chick that he’s going down. >:( hey, can I see you. oh wait, yeah I’m grounded. But can I.. ask for your number. I needed  someone to talk tonight.

 

 

My heart beats hard. It’s not like asking a stranger’s number on the streets. I just afraid of getting rejected, not that he’s not going to give his number. Jihoon replies 30 minutes later, I thought he have blocked me.

 

 

From:

[Parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com](mailto:Parkjigglypuff99@gmail.com)

To:

[Parkwoojin99@gmail.com](mailto:Parkwoojin99@gmail.com)

Sorry for the late reply! Guanlin and donghan is going home, I’m helping them pack up a bit. But sure, xxxxxxxxx. Call me anytime, woojinie.

 

 

 _Woojinie_. The first time he heard Jihoon call him that, his heart almost bursts. I drown in my pillows again, but this time they are softer and warm.

For a second, I didn’t even remember that my life is a mess.


	17. Park Jihoon

I keep holding my phone in my hands, very unusual for me and Minhyun Appa seems to notice.

‘Bringing your phone to dinner? You never even bring your phone outside..is there something that we need to know?’ Minhyun Appa asks while piling my plates with food, he knows that for me one plate is not enough.

‘No.. it’s just.. Woojin asking me for company. You know, he’s in trouble right now.’ I take the food with my fork and twist it around, I am not really hungry. Minhyun raises his brows.

Seongwu hyung buts in ‘you know you can tell me anything right, Jihoon-ah. _Dating_ included.’ My face is burning. I don’t think of Woojin like that, but why do my face feels hot.

‘W-what are you talking about, Appa.’ I choked on my spaghetti and Seongwu and Minhyun Appa is giggling, exchanging glances. What kind of parent laughs in front of their dying child. ‘Woojin and I are friends. W-we don’t think of each other that way.’ _then why are you stuttering you idiot_.

Good thing Donghan and Guanlin is not there or they wont let him breathe. I can’t even imagine the smirk on Donghan’s face. Oh God, he’s obviously going to take revenge. I used to tease him a lot when he first started dating Kenta. I am regretting every single past mistakes I’ve done. I’m considering going to church.

Dinner was hard (but it’s done now) with all of the teasing here and there. I go up to my room to check on my e-mails, you know for… important stuff. Not-woojin-related. Nothing. I check my phone for the hundredth time. Nothing. I drop my body to the giant teddy bear that sits in my room, putting my head on its shoulder. Whispering to it.

‘Park Woojin, you’re going to be the death of me.’


	18. Park Woojin

I opened the door. Daehwi and Jinyoung is on the couch, they’re not going home after all. I am not mad, not with them at least. They seems to understand. They always do.

‘Feeling better?’ Jinyoung watches as i sit down next to them in the living room sofa. ‘Your mom and dad is out somewhere and they asked us to take care of you.’ _great. Now I have a baby sitter._

‘I’m sorry for not telling, you know how I am sometimes.’ I try to make eye contact with Daehwi and he just rolled his eyes.

Daehwi looks to me, his gaze is getting softer. ‘Yeah, hot _and_ thick headed. I know. We’ve searched like the whole neighborhood, we haven’t had proper sleep for days. Your mom is going crazy.’ Daehwi speaks up. I know I can really be selfish sometimes.

‘I told you I am sorry. And I am fine. Can you please stop making everything harder. I can’t even leave the house. I don’t think I am even going to university.’ The reality hits again. This is why I don’t want to talk about this. Jinyoung is holding me and Daehwi is too.

‘How’s the Chung Ang admission going? We got in….’ Jinyoung announces. I cut him off out of frustration.

‘Me too. But how can I even mention dancing, when I got into this whole mess. Jihoon’s going to and I promised him things and-‘

‘Wait,’ Daehwi cuts me off ‘Who the hell is Jihoon. What’s a _Jihoon_.’

I pause for a minute, ‘Umm.. I need to do things... right now….urgent matters.’ I am making excuses. I forgot that I haven’t really told them about Jihoon. I have to eventually. They’re raising their eyebrows at me, pushing me to answer. Jinyoung is practically pining me to the sofa.

‘Look. I met this boy,’ I don’t know what to say. ‘He’s a friend. He lives in this bigass mansion…’

‘Sugar daddy?!’ Jinyoung gets smacked in the head. Ouch. Daehwi gestures for me to continue.

‘He’s the _same age_ as me and we got along so well. He is really wise and patient, unlike boys our age. He knows how to really make me understand things, he makes me feel content.. and grateful.. and he’s an amazing friend.’ I continued after giving Jinyoung a glare. ‘He took care of me when I got kicked out. He’. . .’

‘. . . Are you in love. because you look like you do’ Daehwi is creeping closer and he’s not going to let me live.

‘I don’t know, Hwi. I don’t think it’s love. I’m just comfortable when he’s around. That’s all.’ I pushes him so he’s not any closer. Daehwi doesn’t really understand the concept of  personal space when he’s curious about something. He may be cute and tiny, but he is indeed deadly.

‘Then, let’s see your lover boy.’ Daehwi announces with gleaming eyes.

‘Have I not been clear that I am grounded, Daehwi. I don’t even have the nerve to text him let alone visit. And are you gonna ignore the fact that I am accepted at Chung Ang?!’

‘We know you’ll got in. it’s not a surprise and 2 months is enough to find a plan, I hope. We can convince your mom to make you go with us. I can be convincing, we just need to have a plan.’

‘Not my dad.’ I cut Daehwi off. Because to be fair he’s the only problem I have right now, except the fact that I don’t have the balls to text Jihoon first.

‘How about we try to kidnap him! I never kidnap someone before.’ Jinyoung is as stupid as he sounds. There’s no way Daehwi would agree on that.

‘It’s a great idea.’ What the hell just happened. ‘We can bring him here, your room is on the first floor, he can go through the window.’ Daehwi is taking out a piece of paper and color markers, he’s really making a kidnap plan right in front of my eyes.

‘For the i-don’t-know-how-many-times, we are NOT kidnapping Jihoon. this is final.’ I took the markers out of Daehwi’s hands because who knows how many people he have killed with only that.

‘okay, but we need to do something.’ Jinyoung really need to shut up, sometimes I am tempted to inflate that little head of his.

‘WE are not doing anything. I’ll find a way to you know, to have courage to talk to him. When I am _not_ grounded, I can bring you guys to meet him. Alright?’ They finally stopped with all of their shenanigans.

‘You know I’ve always know you’re stupid but I never acknowledge you to be a coward.’ Daehwi brushes his hair and standing up to go my room.

‘A dumbass AND a chicken. Nice combi.’ Jinyoung stands up following Daehwi inside. I never really wanted to punch someone in the face until now.

* * *

 

The next couple of days, the air around the house is lighter. They’ve been giving me the cold shoulder for 3 days now and I haven’t apologized, I didn’t know how to put it. My mom is preparing dinner and answering Yerim’s train of questions. She stole a glance at me here and there, I notices but pretend not to.

‘Park Woojin, help Yerim with this.’ My eyes lit up to the sound of my name, didn’t expect that mom will talk to me. this is her first sentence since _police_. I take the plates out of Yerim hands, like the usual, and putting it on the table. I smile out of consciousness.

Dinner is quiet like always, but this time my heart feels suffocating. I am eating faster than usual, trying to get off the table as soon as possible. It’s not like they’re going to say anything to me.

‘Woojin-ah, we are sorry.’ My mom is saying this all of a sudden, and I am taken aback. Shouldn’t I be the one apologizing first? I feel like a whole asshole.

‘No, I am sorry. For causing trouble. I shouldn’t do that. I was being immature.’ My father haven’t looked up from his plate, not that I’m surprised, I got my stubbornness from him anyway.

The table is quiet again for a couple of minutes.

‘And your father and I have been contacting few connections,’ I didn’t like where this is heading. ‘. . .And we got you a seat in one of the best schools in Japan.’ And I thought that they’re finally understand that I didn’t want this. I thought wrong. This is the only chance I have to say what I want.

‘I don’t want to study medicine,’ I raised my voice. Should I start packing again?

‘Here we go again’ I hear my father mutters under his breath, I chose to ignore it. My chest feels even stuffy.

‘I am accepted here at Chung Ang,’

‘That’s great, Woojin-ah! They have a good reputation on their medicine.’ I am holding my breath, I wish I am kicked out again.

‘….For performing arts.’ the table grew silent. I didn’t have to see the look in Appa’s eyes to understand what disappointment looks like. I can smell it.

‘if it’s because of that boy….’ I can’t believe they said that.

‘Don’t. don’t drag Jihoon into this mess. I got accepted before I met him.’ A white lie is necessary to protect someone you care about.

‘Look, Woojin-ah. You have to be careful with broken people,’ _broken?_ My hand is shaking all of a sudden and my face is getting hot. ‘They can be _toxic_ and can be _selfish_. I’ve _seen_ him,  Woojin-ah’ the only people I can associate with the word _toxic_ is them. and they’re talking…things about him. ‘They will do anything to have things their way.’

‘You’ve seen him doesn’t mean you know him.’ She notices the flicker in my eyes as i clench my fist. Trying not to look affected. But I am.

‘See. This is about that _adopted_ boy.’ My father sneer a quick remark, and I will never unheard it for the rest of my life. ‘Are you gay _too_ now? following their family footsteps. Cause’ I am proud of you.’ I could feel my hands are bleeding from the nails stabbing my skin.

‘I _am_ gay, you didn’t know because you just didn’t care. Stop putting Jihoon at a bad spot. He’s done nothing other than saving me.’ I never though coming out to them sounds like this, they don’t sound surprised. They just wanted Jihoon gone.

‘He’s not saving you if he’s a bad influence himself.’ I wish my father would stop talking. I can’t stand him right now. I am really mad right now, I think I’m in the verge of tears.

‘Yerim-ie, stay in the room for a minute now. okay? there’s things we have to resolve.’ My mother guides Yerim to her room and continue sitting, I wish this would end. ‘Woojin-ah, I know your father’s being tough on you right now. but he’s probably right. I don’t like the boy. We knew about Hyeongseob and we’re fine with him….’ I started crying when they mentions Hyeongseob, they’re just keep going to make everything Jihoon’s fault. And I am the one to blame.

‘Don’t. it’s a long time ago.’ I am crying and I am not even holding it anymore. Why are they more affected than Jihoon than my passion for dancing. ‘I love dancing. I knew you used to dance, why can’t you let me do what I love.’ I am trying to wipe my eyes, but the tears won’t dry. My father looks away, like it hits something. Something inside of him.

‘This is final. You’re going to Japan and that’s it. No that Jihoo boy, no distractions. You’re going to Japan in three months. Your Japanese language tutor is starting in 2 days and you don’t know the things I’ll do to _that boy_ if you failed this one.’ Appa is standing up and I was genuinely want to drown myself right now. I don’t protest. I am keeping quiet. Not for me.

I’m doing this for Jihoon.

* * *

 

My phone is glued to my hand, throwing it occasionally in the air, hoping it breaks so I don’t have to check on it every second. I don’t even know what I’m waiting for.

‘Look, you have to tell him one way or another. You shouldn’t even make promises you can’t keep in the first place.’ Daehwi is right or maybe I’m just too anxious about this, he might now be thinking about me, he might have forgotten about me.

‘I know, but I can’t. it’s been 2 weeks, Hwi. I want to talk to him… normally. Without having to break some awful news.’ I sit upside down on Jinyoung’s couch, making my head dizzy. Can this makes me forget about things? ‘I miss him. I miss him so much. I want to hear his voice. I want…. to see him.’

‘You know you’re just doing nothing right? Hanging out everyday in my place is not going to solve any of your problems. Just saying it out loud, in case your thick-skull didn’t catch that one yet.’ Jinyoung is right. But when I see him, I know I won’t be able to hold this. I probably just want to run away with him.

‘Give me your phone. I’m going to do something right.’ Daehwi is taking my phone forcibly, and I have no energy to fight him. He’s typing something. What is he typing? ‘Done.’

‘What have you done?’


	19. Park Jihoon

I haven’t heard of Woojin for two weeks. At first I was worried that something may have happened to him, but right now I think he’s just done with me. it’s not like we are special at the start. I wish we are. I let out a sigh, looking out the car window.

‘I can’t believe _you’re_ asking me out for ice cream. You know what that means for us.’ Donghan looks kind of worried. He was the whole week, he says I was acting weird.

‘You know I would’ve trade the world for ice cream. Like, when I am eating ice cream I am dreaming of eating ice cream, kind of love?’ I try to make the situation easier (for me), Donghan won’t let this go.

‘Isn’t that your love for chicken? See. You’re weird. Talk. You’re not fooling me. You can fool Guanlin. But not me.’ Donghan always knows what’s up. He knows me better than anyone.

‘Woojin didn’t text me. he asked for my number 2 weeks ago and he haven’t… see? This is not making any sense.’ I try to say things out loud but it sounded childish. ‘even for me’ I say in the smallest voice possible.

‘He’s being a dick. And so what?’ Donghan is sneering and I can see him getting hurt. He’s always wanted to protect me.

‘He….’ _He’s not._ ‘He is. Maybe, but I need to see him. That’ll all.’

‘After all the trouble he puts you through, he don’t even have the sense to even stay in contact with you. wow, what a gentleman.’ Donghan is driving faster and more reckless. One thing (the only thing) I hate about Donghan is that he lets his emotion washes his sanity sometimes.

‘Let’s stop talking about him. I’m fine, I am just a little affected. That’s all, you know how I am sometimes..’ I rest my hand on Donghan’s on the steering wheel, his driving is getting back to normal. I will not mention Woojin again.

We found a parking spot near the ice cream parlor we always visit. Donghan calls it the heart therapy. I didn’t let go of Donghan’s hand even until we are inside of the ice cream parlor. Just in case.

My phone is vibrating through my pocket as Donghan is picking his flavors.

 

**From: Unknown**

I want to see you.

 

There’s only one person I know that might’ve sent this. But I am trying not to keep my hopes up, even when I shouldn’t be smiling right now.

 

**From:  Park Jihoon**

Who is this?

 

 ‘Strawberry or Matcha?’ Donghan shouts from the cashier, breaking my confusion. I am sitting to save a seat for us.

‘Doesn’t matter!’ I shouts back, Donghan puts an ok sign in the air and he is paying or something. I don’t care right now.

The reply doesn’t come as instantly as I thought. Maybe it is _not_ from a certain someone.

I shouldn’t even hope from the first place.


	20. Park Woojin

Daehwi is doing things that I can’t undo. A minute later a message came from the one I’ve been waiting for for weeks. Not that I am actually doing anything to reach him.

 

**From: Park Jihoon**

Who is this?

 

He doesn’t even remember me. I am pretty sure of it. I dropped my phone on the couch beside me and I squeak.

‘You know at this rate I’m going to get kicked out and you have to take responsibility of that.’ Jinyoung is talking with his mouth full.

‘ _You’re_ going to have to take responsibility of _this.’_ I waggle my phone in the air and Daehwi is trying to take my phone again as if he _haven’t_ made any damage.

‘I am helping you, loser. Let me.’ He’s right. i know nothing about this stuff, I give my phone to Daehwi. I trust him eventhough he’s like _that._ ‘You’re being dramatic. Oh my God, he’s just playing around, Hyung.’ I am grateful for Daehwi. wouldn’t have the courage myself.

‘He did?’ I asks curiously. Daehwi rolls his eyes again. His eyeballs are going to pop up at this rate. Maybe I am dramatic, but this is Jihoon we’re talking about. THE Park Jihoon who keeps me up all night.

From: Park Woojin

It’s Woojin, if you still remember me. you’re up? I want to meet you!

 

‘is this okay Hwi? Do I look creepy or pushy….’ I showed him the text and the jerk just hits send.

‘stop overthinking. He probably doesn’t care.’ He’s right. I forgot this is a one sided pining. I squeak again. Jinyoung is putting his hands on my mouth. There are breadcrumbs everywhere.

 

**From: Park Jihoon**

I am! Where should we meet? or should I let u guess? 7 PM at the secret place.

 

He replied a second later and I am smiling ear to ear. I, too, reply in an instant.

 

**From: Park Woojin**

How is this fair? What if i don’t know where u are?

 

**From: Park Jihoon**

Oh, you’ll definitely know.

 

I am smiling again and I am punching the sofa and rolling on the floor.

‘Look, if you’re going to destroy everything that I have. Please, just go. this is all I have left.’ Jinyoung is screaming again from the kitchen counter and right now I am pleased to be screamed. I flash the biggest grin in my life, they look utterly shocked.

‘The smell of love is disgusting on you, Hyung.’

* * *

 

The park is different from what I remembered approximately 3 weeks ago, maybe because it is brighter and my eyes is less teary. What I also forget is how long the walk from my house to this place, how do I even reach this place? It took around 20 minutes on foot to be in this exact place I am standing right now and I am not even near where Jihoon is standing. I should’ve ride my scooter.

Jihoon is wearing a bright yellow sweater that’s thrice bigger than his size with red beanie completed with the greenest green shoelace I’ve ever seen. He looks like a traffic light from afar. He looks tragic, but that’s one of his many charms. I scoffs.

I am 20 minutes early and he’s already there. he didn’t look like he’s waiting for someone, maybe he didn’t expect me to be this early or he didn’t think I’ll show up at all. I half-jog to him, trying to hide behind a tree.

Jihoon looks back to me ‘You act 5 years younger than I last seen you.’ He giggles. It is the most beautiful sound I’ve heard. ‘Did you even think that it’ll work on me. pfftt.’ He pouts. I love when he pouts.

‘I like to to take chances?’ I can’t help but smile back.

When we haven’t seen something in a long time sometimes the image in our head is kinda distorted. But it is not the way with Jihoon. He looks hypnotizing with his half smile. I blink because sometimes i see things.

Jihoon raised his brows at me ‘So, about this thing where you want to see me. what do you need?’ I sighed. He’s now putting his hands on his pockets. Not that i want to hold them. Not at all.

‘I just need you.’ I didn’t mean to say it like that, I panics. ‘N-not in that way. I m-mean we’re friends… right?’ I choked on my words. He removes the hands and covers his mouth to laugh. Maybe I want to hold them a little.

‘Right.’ He repeats the same angelic, beautiful melody from before. (he giggles) I don’t know if it’s the air or it it just plain awkward, like none of them didn’t know what to say. It’s not like this when we first met. But I do ghost on him for two weeks. Right.

‘I’m sorry, Jihoon.’ Jihoon furrowed his brows, not understanding what I meant. I’m sure he know what I mean. ‘. . .For leaving without a word for two freaking weeks. I. . . ’ Jihoon is holding his breath, he looks like he’s hurt. ‘I just don’t know how to reach you.. E-mails,I know.’ I roll my eyes. I make the stupidest excuse sometimes.  ‘. . .But it’s different when you’re right here.. And the calls I promised, I could’ve…’ Jihoon is holding my hand. Like he wants me to stop.

‘Breathe, Woojin.’ _I can’t when your hand’s in mine._ ‘I don’t need explanations. I’m fine. Do I look like I’m mad?’ _you looked hurt._ ‘How about we catch up a bit, the air tonight is warm. It’s beautiful.’ he lets go of my hand. I think I feel disappointed. But I am not sure.

‘Your parents must be dead mad at me. I messed up. You know that I didn’t meant for all of this things to happen, right?’ I look everywhere other than his eyes. ‘ I didn’t know.’ My voice is getting smaller.

‘They’re not… They’re asking for you all week and don’t get me started on Guanlin. They misses you.’ he smiles, touches my arm again. ‘Everyone did.’ He says it so warmly, it makes the air change color.

The park are quiet except for our breath and the gushing of wind that’s getting stronger as the clock ages. We stand up, we started walking along the path of dried leaves. None of us say a word.

‘Woojinie?’

I exhale all of the breath I’ve been holding. How can someone just saying your name make you feel like this? ‘Yeah?’ his face is running a thousand of emotions and I can’t decipher any of it. I decided to focus on the stain of my shirt instead.

‘Did you know that no number before 1.000 contains the word A?’ Jihoon hushed, like it is the world’s biggest secret.

‘One.. Two.. Three.. Four… Five…’ I started counting and Jihoon is laughing again.

‘No, silly.’ He laughs too hard this time. My heart don’t know to act, I kick on pebbles. ‘just… don’t worry, okay?’ his eyes meets mine now, will my feet bleed if I kick on boulders?

i didn’t kick anything. I only nod.

Jihoon puts his hands inside his jeans pocket. He shifts his gaze to me. ‘. . .And did you know that we have to give away our secrets so that the sky doesn’t split in half and let the silence eats us whole?’

I return his gaze and now I am laughing. ‘You are treating me like a five year old.’ I widened my eyes and fake shocks. ‘Wait, are you trying to take away my secrets. Cause’ you seems like you’re trying to trap me into them giving away just now. it’s okay to be curious of me, people do that a lot.’ I give him the most arrogant smirk I could ever present.

‘Says you who stares a lot. People do that a lot though.’ It’s his time to smirk, nudging me from the side. He hits softly, but the impact is way greater. I blushes.

‘I-I don’t stare. It must be the dark. . . You’re imagining things about me aren’t you? Not surprising.’ I try to clap back.

‘Oh, I wish I am. You’re staring at me for five minutes straight. Take a picture. It lasts longer, _babe_.’ Did he just babe me _._ I didn’t know I have a thing for pet names. My head is about to explode. ‘ Why are you so scared of secrets anyway? Are you a criminal?’ we are reaching the end of the park, we are walking at the sidewalk on the outskirts of town. It was quiet.

‘why do you love secrets so much? Let’s do a game then. We play rock paper scissors and we have to tell each other secrets, back to back. No stopping. But, you know. It’s only for the brave souls.’ I look at him mockingly, he clears his throat.

‘Rock. Paper. Scissors.’ We say at the same time.

Rock/rock

Paper/paper

Paper/paper

Rock/rock

‘Are you sure we are not soulmates?’ I ask him the _real_ question.

‘Pfft. With you? i’d pass.’ He sticks his tongue.

‘Offended. Thought your standards are higher than that.’

We play another round.

Paper/rock

I clear my throat. ‘After you, Your highness.’ I bow mockingly. He shoves me to the side.

‘I am adopted?’ Jihoon says with hesitation.

‘Doesn’t count if I already knew! Try again. No cheating this time.’ Jihoon pouts. I try hard not to touch his cheeks.

‘I believe in magic.’ Jihoon closes his eyes and clenches his fist. Half shouting. How can an adult male be this……. Fluffy. I want to die.

‘Are you lost kid? Do you need your diaper?’ He punches me on the shoulder, this time he puts force. I think someday I can literally die in his hands.

‘Hey! No mocking! I thought this was a heart-to-heart session.’ He puts his hands on my shoulder trying to help me keep my balance. We end up laying down on the grass, underneath the stars.

‘We’re getting there, sweetie. it’s just warming up. So, try again. This time for real.’ Jihoon half-sit to glare at me. he thinks he looks intimidating. ‘Okay.. I’m sorry.’ I keep on laughing. ‘My mom used to own a restaurant and I used to spit on rude customers food.’

‘That’s disgusting!!!’ Jihoon is crunching beside me, holding into my arm.

‘In my defense, I was twelve and who the hell screams at a twelve year old?? They’re monsters.’I explaines. Jihoon throws his head back laughing, still latching on the side of my arms.

‘They are monsters. I believe you. but you must be really dumb. Way worse than you are right now, are believe me you are the wooorrrssttt.’ I am tackling Jihoon on the ground and the moonlight reflects on his eyes. It was the most divine thing I’ve ever seen. Suddenly I, too believe in magic.

He’s right. Maybe the whole time I was staring because right now I can’t keep my eyes off him. I try not to look at his eyes, so I look at his lips instead. I am wrong, now I really want to taste. I find other things to distract me, I look at the grass.

‘Your turn.’ I asks the grass. My voice is hushed and we are two boys laying too close next to each other.

He hold his gaze, giving a quiet smile. eyes not leaving mine. ‘I believe in soulmates.’ He speaks slowly. ‘I always do.’ His voice is smaller than it’s already is.

I turn my body to my side. Now we are facing each other. So close, foreheads pressed to each other. I can feel the air tightens and time stood still. I want to stay like this forever. Maybe it’s possible to be possessed with moonbeams because I thought I won’t be able to say the next few words to him.

‘I can’t stop thinking about you, Jihoon.’


	21. Park Jihoon

We are laying on the grass. Facing each other with foreheads pressed to one another. This is the most intimate thing I’ve done with someone. The silence is crazy and I’m just wishing in my head that Woojin couldn’t hear the loud pounding in his chest. I want someone to slap me, because this is too good to be true.

‘I can’t stop thinking about you, Jihoon.’ Woojin says with a low, breathy voice. Half whispering, nose touching each other now. my body is shivering as he slid his hands on my waist. I keep my eyes close. This feels like a dream.

I didn’t say anything back. I put my head on the crook of his neck. he pulls me even closer, I didn’t know my body could feel this warm.

‘It’s late.. I have to go..’ I buried my head on his neck even deeper. Like I don’t want to let go. he gently pull my head, forcing my eyes to meet his. I look at anything but him.

He removes his hands on my waist and I am sitting down, using my hands to support my body. ‘But it’s your turn now! told you this is only for brave souls.’ He is hugging me tightly and I didn’t want him to let go. I pouts.

I am hugging him back and swaying him side by side and we are back laying on the ground again, he’s tackling me again and I am laughing and he is laughing and I shouldn’t be staring at his snaggletooth but I am and now I am staring at his lips and how it is so plump and beautiful. I tackle him back so I can hide my blushing face. We are rolling on the ground, body pressed to each other.

We are back to pressing our foreheads together, catching our breath. I stare at him again and notice a lot of things like the little mole on his upper lip and the crinkle in his eyes when he smiles. Don’t get me started on his laugh.

I think I am falling in love with Park Woojin.

And it’s going to be dangerous.


	22. Park Woojin

‘Why are you walking me home again? I’m the superior Park here.’ I whines, clinging to Jihoon along the way. I feel safe.

‘Sup- Pfft.’ Jihoon is laughing mockingly. ‘You cried when we first met. You cried when you’re in my room. You cried…’

‘I GET IT. Now shut it. I rarely cries.’ Jihoon is still mocking me. ‘It was emotional okay. Don’t baby me.’ He is walking me to the front door of my house, holding my hand. I feel my world finally comes together. I feel that I finally have a place in this world.

Maybe the world is a beautiful place after all.

‘Hey, Jihoon.’

‘Mmm?’ He lets go of my hand. I reach back. He lets me.

‘You still haven’t respond to what I say?’ I say nervously. Jihoon doesn’t seem nervous. He never was. He is calm and i am the chaos. I think we are a puzzle, and he is meant to complete me.

I try to calm myself by trying to find a flaw in his face. I see none.

He looks at me staring at him. ‘I have to go, Woojinie.’ I am about to protest when he puts his hands on my shoulders and presses his thumb on the back of my hand. ‘Good night?’ He laughs again.

 

> _“They told me that to make him fall in love, I had to make him laugh. But everytime he laughs. I’m the one who falls in love.” –Tomasso Feraris_

* * *

 

“So, you told me that you spent the whole night with him and you didn’t tell him the reason you want to meet him at the first place? Wow, I’m actually impressed.’ Jinyoung is speaking with his mouth full of popcorn.

‘Somehow I’m not surprised. I thought he’s going to do much worst.’ Daehwi is beside the devil, sharing the same demon food. I shove one handful to my mouth, they don’t taste evil.

‘In my defense, _you_ sent the text and _you_ made the reason. I just want to meet him, and that’s _exactly_ what I’m doing.’ I chew the food, it is hard to swallow. Maybe it is eating me from the inside.

‘He’s being stubborn again.’ Jinyoung nudges Daehwi from the side, whispering. But even someone who’s standing on top of the pyramid could hear him. And we’re in Korea.

‘Hyung, you’re being unfair. He deserves to know. Isn’t that why you’re avoiding him in the first place. Cause, as I said before. It is unfair.’ I think they’re giving me an intervention. Why do I need an intervention?

‘He will. Not now, I don’t want to ruin this for him. For us.’ I reason, Daehwi furrowed his brows.

‘You only have, what? Like, 3 months. And stop smiling on your phone like an idiot, you’re stupid as it is.’ Daehwi grabbed my phone, I can’t win over him. He’s too powerful. ‘He will be disappointed if he’s the last to know. If he matters to you…’

‘He is.’ I cut the sentence. He means the world to me.

‘. . .You’re not listening. If he _is_ , then why are you hiding this from him.’ Daehwi is giving my phone back, I don’t want to look at it right now.

‘I am not hiding anything, Hwi. I am waiting for the right timing.’ I open the lock to my phone and then closes it again.

‘You’re being selfish. There is no right timing, you have to man up and tell him. And not through text, I hate that kind of asshole.’ Daehwi deadpans. Jinyoung is quiet. He’s probably scared too.

* * *

 

I spend the next two weeks doing some Japanese tutoring with a tutor who really sucks at Japanese. He looks Japanese with a Japanese name but his accent is sketchy. I don’t think he’s really Japanese.

‘Are you sure you’re not Korean? Cause’ I’m pretty sure you don’t know a thing about Japanese.’ I deadpans. I can’t believe I have to study Japanese with a fake when i don’t even want to study them at the first place.

‘Well, with your father’s budget. I’m the best he could ever get. And I am older than you, stop glaring at me. it’s Takada Kenta. Call me Kenta _Sensei.’_ Kenta Hyung talks too loud, there are people staring.

‘I thought it was _Senpai_? Kenta _Senpai_ ….’ I am genuinely confused.

‘I- i don’t think that’s…. Okay, listen up kid.’ He takes the biggest breath, his nostrils are flaring.

‘…I am like 2 years younger than you?’ I states the fact. Why is he being annoyed?

‘I am 4 years older than you. That’s not the point here…’ He continues again. I am not curious on what he’s going to say. ‘We are both terrible at this, but you are the worst. So, you listen to me. _anata wa watashi ni mimi o katamukemasu.’_ His accent is weird, like he’s reading off his phone he’s been holding the whole time.

‘Is that google translate? Cause Siri speaks better Japanese than that.’ Kenta pulls his hair and murmuring Japanese phrases. I think he can _really_ speak Japanese.

‘Look.. you’re not making this easier for me.’

‘Why should i?’ I asks. He did that thing again where his nostrils flare up. It is distracting.

‘. . .You don’t even want to write anything. Your notebook is as white as snow. Please, Woojin. Your father is paying me, I don’t want to nag but I have to be professional. I know you don’t want this. . .’

I put my head down. ‘You have no idea.’

‘Let’s just.. take a break. I may not be the best teacher, but I am a great listener. Think of me as your older brother.’ He seems warm, he’s not so bad after all.

‘Okay.. _senpai_ ’

‘FOR THE 100TH TIME, that’s not. . .’ He’s half shouting then lets out another sigh. ‘. . .Just do anything you want. Text me okay? Call if you need to..’

‘Woojin? What are you doing here?’ Donghan is approaching the table and sitting next to Kenta.

‘He’s a student of mine. How do you guys know each other?’ Kenta Hyung is putting his hands on Donghan’s waist. He said he wanted to be professional.

‘He’s a friend of Jihoon. Why are you studying Japanese?’ Donghan is asking me.

‘He’s studying medical in Japan with the littlest knowledge of Japanese.’ Kenta says. He looks tired.

‘Japan? Medical? I thought you’re going to Chung Ang with Jihoon.. maybe I heard wrong.’ Donghan says. I want to bury myself inside of a hole. I haven’t told Jihoon. yet. Daehwi was right. Jihoon has the right to know.

I nods politely and excuses myself.

Sooner or later, Jihoon has to know.

* * *

 

Being with Jihoon is the easiest thing, even when the world splits in half or when there’s a zombie apocalypse, being with him seems…. Right. There’s no other way to describe how I feel right now.

‘I can’t believe I have to go in through the window. Are…. you sure you’re not embarrassed of me?’ Jihoon is struggling, putting his leg one by one through my bedroom window.

‘It’s midnight, Jihoon. why are you here anyway?’ Jihoon stops to glare at me. good thing his leg is still stuck on my window. ‘Sorry… i just want to see you?’ I am grinning awkwardly. Jihoon just sighs.

‘How about the park?! They’re much more conventional. Than, this..’ Jihoon gesturing my whole room with his fingers making a big square motion. At least he’s in my room now.

I closes the window and faces him. ‘I miss you.’ taking both of his hands into my chest. I look like the main character of a chick flick movie, he looks gorgeous enough to be the female lead. I think we’re perfect.

‘I miss you too, Woojin’ He says with a soft smile. ‘But we meet every single day. How are you not sick of me?’ He takes one of my curled hair that sticks out and straightens it with his fingers.

‘I can never be sick of you.’ I look dead serious. Do Jihoon thinks that I am joking? Because he’s always giggling. Not that it’s not the most beautiful sound. I sometimes just wonders.

He nods. His answers are always quiet. I am not a psychic, I want to understand. But Jihoon is like that. He’s quiet and soft and wise, like he have lived a thousand years old (with a matching baby face).

He’s sitting on the floor, back resting on my bed, playing with my bird plushie. Making sounds and talking to them like he’s alive. ‘If you told me you like plushies, I could buy one for you? You can take that one too if you want.’ I sit next to him.

‘I always have connections with dolls, not in a creepy way. but they mean something to me. like my first teddy bear from my parents.’ He is still playing with the doll. I twist my body to the side, holding my face with both of my hands, and I find his eyes.

‘I know, like they are a memory of a past, I have a story on every plushie I have. The one you’ve been holding is from my first visit to a amusement park. I can’t sleep without him.’ And the fact I want to give it to Jihoon explains how I feel about him. I hope he can see it too.

Jihoon returns my eyes. He nods again. But I feel understood. ’. . .And they look just like you.’

‘I look like a bird?’ I squint my eyes to see the resemblance. I see nothing.

‘You _sound_ like a bird. Always chirping and won’t stay still.’

I pretend to be offended. ‘Then, I wont talk for an hour. Watch me.’ I fold my hands in front of my chest. Jihoon is snickering. He doesn’t believe that I can. Me either.

He rests his elbow on my bed and turns his body towards me. watching me with those big, brown eyes. He looks like an anime character. I want to do something. Like kiss Jihoon. the idea comes to me and I feel trapped. I totally should’ve tried but what if he punched me? or pushes me outside the window for the wolves to eat me alive? But what if he didn’t? What if he kisses me back? I bring my focus into him again, like my whole world isn’t centered around him.

‘You have beautiful eyes.’ I say 1 minute later. Jihoon is acting out his victory, I don’t think I can do it too anyway. ‘What? If it’s weren’t for your eyes I wouldn’t fail. You are trapping me!!’

‘Just say you look like a bird and go. Your arguments are invalid right now, Woojin.’ His eyes see through me. I’m shivering. There are a lot of things I have to tell him, but the words doesn’t seem to come out. I think, maybe, it is because I am denying it myself. Maybe I should’ve kissed JIhoon. Will it make the doubt away?

I still have a month left.

Will he be mad if i tell him right now? Cause’ I will. If I were him. Will he not be mad? Cause’ he’s Jihoon.

‘What are you thinking?’ His voice is quiet and calming like the sea. ‘You seem to think a lot. I could go.. if you want your time with yourself.’ He touches my cheek tenderly with his fingers, staying there. ‘You’re fine.. Trust me?’

His eyes are tender. I am swimming in them.

The inside of me becomes so quiet. Jihoon has this effect on me.

I nod and he smiles. He removes his hands from my face. I place mine where his was, trying to feel the remnants of warmness he left. All I want is for him to touch me again and again and again until I am somehow convinced that I am fine. That I eventually will.

‘Jihoon?’ Still keeping my hands on my cheeks, I have both of my hands there now. trying to break the news to him is hard. ‘About Chung Ang…..’

‘Hey… why are you worrying about that again? We have our plans. We’re going to rent the apartment near there, I have a few on my mind, I have been going there too , you know to check if the surrounding is great.’ His eyes are gleaming. I am going to hurt him.

‘You did? When… did you go? Why don’t you tell me….’ He’s searching for my eyes, I can’t dare to look. I fixed my gaze on the bird plushie he’s holding instead.

‘I wanted this to be a surprise. But, you worry so much. And I want to tell you that it is okay. I even made a board on Pinterest for furniture references. I could show you, but that one is still a secret.’ I feel so bad, I could throw up, but then I will feel much worse for puking on him.

‘I couldn’t wait, Jihoon.. But… things…’ I try to find the words.

‘. . .Things are hard. I know! But we can make this work, Woojinie. The three of us could make everything okay.’

‘Three?’

‘I may or may not be planning to adopt a puppy for us. You can pick the name if you want to.’ He rests his hands on my knees. I may have puked a little (a lot, a whole lot) in my head. My chest is suffocating. I want to do this with him too. I am as excited as him, maybe even more. I feel dizzy. ‘If it makes you feel a little better?’

I have to tell him the truth.

‘I-i will. I’d love that, Hoon.’

I am a failure and a coward.

I don’t deserve Jihoon.

I don’t deserve the world.

* * *

 

The rest of the week flew by and I (still) have 3 weeks left before I finally go. Should I write him a letter and go? Will I still be an asshole? Daehwi only said texts.

 

**From:** My love hoonie

**To:** Chamsae

I am at Chung Ang right now!! you gotta love the apt, Guanlin loves it too.

 

Right.

I haven’t told him yet.

We can still talk through messages, I mean surprises are still a surprise (even if its heart breaking.) and still, I feel like I’m cheating because he’s planning something for me, for us, and i’m not committed to it.

 

**From** : Chamsae

**To** : My Love Hoonie

I’m studying right now, Hoon. Its hella boring. See u soon?

 

My thoughts were still a tangled, guilty mess. I can’t deal with him right now. I am going to tell him tonight.

 

**From** : My Love Hoonie

**To** : Chamsae

I’m not climbing your window again, I swear it’s the third time this week. Let’s meet somewhere else?

 

**From** : Chamsae

**To** : My Love Hoonie

Ice cream? ;-)

 

**From** : My Love Hoonie

**To** : Chamsae

Who could resist? 7 PM?

See u soon..

 

_My love hoonie sent you a location._

**From** : Chamsae

**To** : My Love Hoonie

It’s a date, then. ;-)

 

I am too focused on my phone, smiling on my own, that I didn’t notice that the door is open and Eomma is leaning on the door frame. She folded her arms in front of her. She doesn’t look too happy. Or near any positive emotion.

‘I know you’re sneaking up on me every night, Woojin. Don’t you think that I’m dumb. ‘ She closes the door behind her and walks to where I am.

She sits down beside me, ‘I told you, the boy’s a bad influence. I know he’s sneaking up on your bedroom window, I saw him three times doing that.’ She puts her hands on my shoulder, I shove them off. ‘If he forces you to do…. Stuff. You’re not comfortable….’

‘Why is it always his fault? Don’t you think you’re being an awful human being right now?’ Who calls his own mom an awful human being? Me, when I’m mad. I say awful things when I’m angry. Maybe I am _really_ the reflection of my father.

‘You’ve just met that boy for 2 months and this is how you treat your own mother now?’ She raises her tone on me, I am too angry to even care.

‘You can’t just put the blame on everyone near me. How is this not Appa’s fault. He forces. . .’

‘THAT boy is off limit.’

‘. . .You can’t dictate what I’m feeling. Do you even know I feel about _this_? About _him_ being the center of this mess? How I _actually_ feel about _him_?’

‘. . . If your father sees him again,’

‘Why can’t you try to understand me. and him. And us?’

‘. . .He’s sending you to a place _way_ worse than Japan.’

‘You don’t understand. Why do i have to live by your vision of him? why can’t I be the version I want to be? Why can’t I live my own life?’ I am shouting now and she looks wounded. They say you shouldn’t talk when you’re angry. This is the whole test-experiment. ‘ i _want_ to dance, Eomma. that is my life and if you can’t understand. I _can’t_ and _never_ will be happy with _who_ i am why can’t you understand?! This is _not_ Jihoon, this is _myself_ and the fact that I am _in love_ with him doesn’t make this his fault.’

‘AND you don’t even here with me. Families care about the things I love.’ I continues.

Eomma is quiet now. I can’t read her expression or maybe because I am crying again. Emotions are not my best forte.

‘You don’t understand the things I’ll do for you.’ She is yelling right now. and I am crying. we are a whole mess. ‘I don’t want to lose you’

And I don’t want to lose my dream. Jihoon is a big part of it.

‘..I don’t need anything else. I want to live my passion. I want to live up my _own_ expectations. Even if I am penniless and homeless, and I won’t, because I have Jihoon……’

‘ _stop_ with _that_ boy.’ I hate when they refer Jihoon with that boy because it seems like he’s nothing when he is, maybe, everything. ‘I am taking your phone and you are _not_ allowed to see him again. Or I _will_ tell your father and he will do things you can’t imagine.’ She takes the phone in my hands and slams the door ‘This is a warning, Woojin.’ I can’t even see things anymore because my emotions is in my eyes and in my nose and in my ears. It is everywhere.

It’s eating me and I can’t breathe.


	23. Park Jihoon

This is the first time I will be seen public with Woojin and I am nervous. We only meet late at night and it’s either on a secluded park where it’s basically ours or I climb his window. It’s never not the two of those scenarios.

I have changed a total of 4 sweaters, 3 pants, and going back and forth on wearing a hat. He stands in the mirror for a whole 20 minutes, tilting his hat to a hopefully flattering angle. Donghan is on the side snickering.

‘Isn’t this like the 10000th time you guys went out on a date? Why are you so nervous anyway.’ Donghan is walking towards me and taking the hat off my head. ‘The hat throws you off. You’re beautiful as it is, Jihoon. even with that ridiculous pink sweater.’

‘It’s my lucky sweater and this is _not_ a date. We’re friends.’ I put on the sweater over the yellow t-shirt i am using. Donghan shakes his head. He don’t understand how fashion works.

‘Hey, Donghan. tell me what you think about this.’ I opens my laptop and opens the pinterest board I’ve been working. ‘It’s still a rough idea, but it will be this neat aesthetic. I don’t know how Woojin is, but I think he’s quite neat, you know, from the way his room is. I just think. . .’

‘You’re moving in together? That was fast.’ Donghan is smirking and he is scrolling the board while giving several nods.

I blushes. ‘I-it’s not like that. We’re sharing an apartment near our university. He’s quite worked up on things so I figured I do his part of work on making the apartment work.’

‘ _Our_? Why didn’t you tell me you’re moving to Japan? Jisung hyung didn’t mention…’ Donghan furrowed his brows, making him look like Bert of Sesame Street.

‘I’m not saying anything about Japan, though? ‘ I cut him short. ‘If you didn’t hear the whole time….’

He jumps in again. ‘I’m pretty sure Woojin is studying Japanese with Kenta…’

‘…Your Kenta Hyung?’ Something in my chest is collapsing. I shouldn’t be jumping on conclusions.

‘….Yeah, my Kenta. And he’s preparing to go to medical school in Japan.’ Donghan speaks slowly as I sit on the floor. Hugging both of my knees.

‘I’m pretty sure he’s excited about this whole thing.’ I guess I am alone all this time. I feel the sadness hits to me. I shouldn’t feel like this. _Then what am I supposed to feel?_ ‘He didn’t mention about Japan.. or medical school…. Or moving away….’ That’s maybe why he’s hiding me like I am a doll, why don’t I think it’s suspicious that I have been to his house so many times but I never go through his front door. Maybe that’s I am for him. A toy.

The sadness turns into anger in a matter of minutes. Maybe Woojin is not as good as he thinks. Maybe he don’t know Woojin at all. Maybe he matters to me, and I don’t matter at all. Insecurities hits me like waves. I can’t swim.

‘Hey.. are you okay? if he hurts you….’ He’s already clenching his fist. I try to keep it cool. Ignoring the fact that my blood is burning.

‘No… We’re friends, Donghan. We don’t have to tell each other everything.’ I swallowed my words, hoping it didn’t hurt as much.

‘But we tell each other everything….’ Donghan is letting it go, just a couple of fake smiles to go…

‘..We do, but it’s different with me and Woojin. We’re not like me and you.’ I give him a fake genuine smile, I know he know. But he let it pass. He hugs me instead. ‘I still love you the most okay?’

‘Do you need me to accompany you? You shouldn’t be alone..’ Donghan hugs me even harder.

‘Hyung, don’t hurt him. Okay? I’m sure he doesn’t mean this. I believe in him and you should too.’

I really mean what I said.

I think. I try to understand-not that I know what happened, but I thought there’s something between us, something _real_. I feel stupid. Hopes are like this sometimes, bright and uncertain, dim and blinding, fast and slow.

_Woojin is nothing and everything all at once._


	24. Park Woojin

The clock strikes at 6 PM and I am supposed to meet Hoonie at 7. I’m sure that Eomma would never let me leave the house, especially to see Jihoon. Especially that. I could’ve e-mailed him if Eomma didn’t take away my laptop too. I am left with nothing. I have to do something. I look out the window trying to make a run for it, even though he didn’t know the address, I didn’t manage to open the location he sent before my phone is taken away. But i can search the whole city for the ice cream place. I would cut my fingers for him. All ten of them.

A minute later after the whole fighting with my mom, there’s a knock at my bedroom door. I didn’t answer. I hide under the covers, so no one find me sitting in the dark, where I’ve been since the fight.

‘Woojin-ah, Eomma coming in.’

All my blood rushes to my face and my whole body is numb, as the door opens slowly, I want to die.

‘Can we talk, Woojin-ah. I’m your mother. You should be telling things to me.’ _and I’m your son, you should be understanding me_. What runs in the head stays in the head, it’s better that way. I closes my eyes, hoping I’ll disappear. ‘I know I’m not the best at understanding you, because this whole month, you are more closed off that you used to be.’ I opens my eyes, sees the mascara smudging in her face. She looks hundred times older. I feel really bad.

‘I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to be a doctor. You know that. why are you trying to understand me when you have your own understanding of me. I can’t. . . like medical. It’s not in my blood and you know that.’ I soften my voice. She touches me, I cringe.

‘When you are a parent, you’ll understand that things are not. . . easy.’

I cut her off. ‘Doesn’t mean it’s easy now.’

‘Not life. We have our difficulties at every stages of life. Like when you’re a baby and you want to say things, you can’t, and that is not easy.’ I look at her eyes now. ‘. . .It’s perspective. You have to see it from our eyes.’

‘You have to see it from my eyes too.’ She strokes my hair to calm me down. It’s one of her habits.

‘Parents wanted the best for their child. We won’t be living for a thousand years, Woojin-ah. Someday we will have to eventually leave. And. . .’ She chokes on her words, like she’s going to cry. ‘. . .We want you to have your life in the palm of your hands. We don’t have much to begin with, Woojin and we want you to have all of it because we love you so much.’ She looks like she’s been crying all night. Look what I’ve done to her. I let my disappointing hands caress my disappointing hair so it will be disappointingly in place. I say nothing again.

‘And about your dad. He is not what he seems like. He may seem harsh and cold, but he is not. He is the warmest people i know, he just never let it show. He wants the best for you, too.’

‘But Appa used to dance. Why it is different for me?’ I asks.

‘Because things don’t work out the way movies portrays it to be. You wouldn’t been born if he’s still a dancer, Woojin. And even if you do, we will live on the streets and starve for days.’

‘It’s different for everyone, Eomma.’ Gratitude and disappointment washes over me at the same time.

‘We don’t want to risk it and we don’t want to risk losing you. One week is enough to see that it is hard. Your father will never admit, but he stays up all night looking out the window waiting for you. He wakes up to drive to search for you. He stops going to work, too. That is why we find help from the police.’

‘He did?’ I asks, she nods. I smile at her for the first time in a month. I still think police is not necessary.

‘I’m sorry. . about Jihoon. He didn’t meant to blame it on him, I didn’t meant to. It’s just, we wanted you to go to the right path. Now, tell me about Jihoon. What is he like?’ My smile grows even wider. I don’t know where to start. I am accepting things now.

I let go of my dreams of dancing because that means I could spend my days with Jihoon.

_I choose Jihoon over everything._


	25. Park Jihoon

The wind is blowing cold, it’s nearing winter. I take my time walking instead of taking the bus. It took me 50 minutes without stop to reach the shop, I am an hour early anyways.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, the fleeting colors fades into a mix of reds and oranges, putting the sky to sleep. I stop to notice how the sky changes colors, I put my hands in the air, tip-toeing on the edge of my toes, reach out to them. As if they allows you to touch them. As if they won’t turn pitch black from my stained-fingers. If only it was that easy.

The things about feelings is that you’ll never know how it’ll grow or how it’ll fade. Did he ever feel the same way? I never asked. I only assumed. I assume wrong.

I am arriving at the ice cream parlor, the heart therapy, I don’t know why i ask him to meet me here. This place is for heartbreak (At least for me and Donghan), maybe that’s what I’m prepared for. _A heartbreak._

 I didn’t order right away, I sit down first, the shop is always really quiet anyway.

‘Why are you here alone? Where’s Donghan?’ Someone asks me, I look up to see the owner of the shop, I’m not really a regular, but Donghan once cried for four hours straight and the owner had to help me calm him down because he’s scarring the customers away.

‘Hey, Jaehwan Hyung. I’m waiting for someone. Is it okay if I wait for some time before ordering? I don’t know what to get him.’ I unlock the phone in my hand, still no news from Woojin, i lock it again.

 

**Friday 7.15 PM**

**From:** My Love Hoonie

**To:** Chamsae

Hey, I’ve arrived at the ice cream place. Call me if ur lost, the place’s kind of hidden.

 

‘. . .It’s fine, Jihoon. I’ve known you and Donghan for years now. You guys used to come here a lot when you guys are still in high school.’ Jaehwan says. A customer walks in, the bell is loud, I turn my back too aggressively, still no Woojin. Jaehwan stands up and greets the customer. I am alone once again.

My head’s feeling kind of heavy. I put my on my hands and laying it down on the table. I send another location to Woojin, just in case he’s lost somewhere.

_My love hoonie sent you a location._

I close my eyes. And I drift to sleep. Hoping when I wake up, Woojin is there and I can have the explanation I deserve.

I woke up to the call of my name. My hands feels numb and my back is hurting, probably from the bad sleeping position, I half open my eyes and see a boy sitting across me. I don’t know how long I’ve slept.

‘Woojin?’ My consciousness is still hazy, but I’m pretty sure I’m not dreaming. Maybe I am.

‘Hey, sorry to break it to you. We are closing soon. . If you don’t mind.’ Jaehwan is there again, he looks like he’s pitying me. I sit up straight, looking all around. The shop is empty. We’re the only people in here. Confusion rushes into me. I check my phone again, 9.03 PM, Still no Woojin. Am I being stood up? I feel anger, my blood is boiling.

I stand up to the counter, buying the largest cup of ice cream and I leave the shop.

The ice cream can’t wash away the bitter taste in my mouth.


	26. Park Woojin

‘. . .And he’s one of the nicest people I’ve met, Eomma. He’s amazing.’ I continues. My mom is smiling now. I am smiling too. Why can’t everyday be like this? Why can’t Appa feel the same way?

‘Why don’t you invite him to dinner sometime? I’d love to get to know him better.’ I can’t believe my mom said this. I am smiling ear to ear. My face is distorted now. I don’t care.

‘You do? What about Appa? He hates him. . .’ She caress my hair. I let her this time.

‘Do you know you father gave up dancing for me, too? Like you did, for Jihoon.’ She looks straight at me. ‘. . .I think I can talk to him. For you? I won’t promise things for you.’ Right. Promises. I think about Jihoon again. The clock strikes at 8. I have to see him. I have to tell him the truth.

‘Can I see Jihoon? I want to see him. I have to tell him a lot of things.’ I look at her softly, hoping she melt. She takes my phone from the back of her pocket, handing it to me. I’m relieved.

‘It’s not Jihoon. It’s the sneaking at night and climbing windows. Promise me you won’t do any of that again.’ She hold out her pinky finger, I bind it with mine. It’s our little tradition.

‘I won’t. I promise. For real.’

* * *

 

I grab my coat on my way out the door, as i was running, the wind gride through my skin. I put on the coat and i feel warm, inside and out, like i’ve calm the rout in my head. I think of Jihoon, I never not think of him, but this time it’s different. I think of him and the future we hold. Together.

I check my phone, turning it on, there’s a notification from Jihoon.

 

**Friday 7.15 PM**

**From:** My Love Hoonie

**To:** Chamsae

Hey, I’ve arrived at the ice cream place. Call me if ur lost, the place’s kind of hidden.

 

I scroll to our last conversation and I open the location he sent. I follow the map Jihoon sent. I’ll follow him to the edge of the world.

I’ve been walking for one hour straight and I still didn’t see any signs of a shop. I should’ve brought my scooter. I always say that, but i never think right in time. I blame my sense of predicting the situation. Or anything at all. I blame myself. My battery is at 10%. I am absolutely doomed.

I walk straight ahead, hoping that my stupid brain will able to catch something, I notices something bright and in a second it dimmed. _Like it is closing_. I walk closer to it, hoping that it is the place I’m supposed to be. I run to reach the place. I hope he’s still there.

I am too late. A young man exits the small shop, with a _now-dimmed_ neon sign of ice cream above the tiffany blue colored door. He pulls a key from his pocket, locking the key from outside. I am definitely _too_ late. I walk up to him, hoping he knows where’s Jihoon or if this is even the right place.

‘Hi. . Sorry to bother you. Do you see a boy, around my age and my height, with bright eyes. . .’ The young man looks up like he recognizes me. I’m pretty sure I didn’t know him.

‘Jihoonie? Are you talking about Jihoon?’ I am in the right place after all. I look around, I see no Jihoon. he left. I stood him up. Me. The one who gushes about him all the time. Do I really care about him? Why do I keep hurting him. ‘Are you perhaps. . . _Woojin_?’

‘How do you know my name? Were Jihoon here for a long time? Where is he now? Where is he heading? Did he tell you about his. . .feelings?’ I ask a train of questions, the young man seems taken aback. He laughs awkwardly, maybe he’s confused.

‘Hey, slow down there buddy. Jihoon waited for a long time, he even fell asleep.’ Oh shit. I did this to him. ‘He calls your name constantly while in his sleep, hence me knowing your name. I’m just guessing though? And I’m sorry buddy, I didn’t know where he went. I guess, home? It’s cold tonight, you should not be wearing something that thin.’ i looks down at my clothing, he shouldn’t be worrying about me. what about Jihoon? but this is not his fault. It is all me. I hurt him. Again.

‘Hey, it’s not your fault. He probably understand if you have things to settle first. He is understanding. I didn’t know him much, but I can tell that much about him. Don’t you worry okay? I have to go now, my hands are getting cold.’ He hands me a name card. ‘Name’s Jaehwan, honorifics or not, I don’t care. Just call me if you need anything. Jihoon is one of my best customer. He deserves the best, okay?’ He pats the shoulder, waving his hand, making his way to his car. I watch as my mind fills with drought.

Maybe he doesn’t deserve Jihoon.

Maybe he doesn’t deserve the world.

He never did.


	27. Bae Jinyoung

‘. . .Goodnight, Hwi. Yes, I swear I won’t stay up too late. Goodnight.’ Daehwi is on the other side of the line, night calls are our usual thing, to catch up on our day or we sometimes don’t talk at all, just to be in each other’s presence is enough. I never lied to Daehwi, about anything huge at least, but this time, lying is needed. As I open the new box of a package I got from the mail this morning before going to work (I almost skipped work, good thing I didn’t). I use my bare hands to stretch the scotch tape and shred the cardboard packaging to pieces, Daehwi will scream at me to use scissors. But Daehwi is not here and he doesn’t know what I’m doing right now.

I’ve been waiting for this for months. I pre-ordered this from the moment the teaser is out. Monster Hunter: World. My life is finally complete. As I take the cd out, dreaming of all of the reviews and gameplay he watched on Youtube. This is it. This is my moment. I open the cd jacket slowly, like really slowly so I won’t damage anything. the reflection of the cassette is blinding, I hold my breath. Before I got the chance to touch it, the doorbell rings. Who the fuck could this be? It’s freaking late at night.

I close the cd. Bolting my way to the door. I open the door harshly, ready to scream at anyone who just ruins his moment. Even if it’s a cat. I’d scream at it.

‘Woojin Hyung? Why are you here?’ There he was standing in front of my door with a thin coat and he looks… broken. Like he is hurt. His face is all red, I don’t know if it’s the cold or if he’s been crying. I couldn’t tell. ‘Have you been crying, Hyung?’ I ask. I let him in, he didn’t say a word.

I close the door and rushes to the kitchen, warming up milk in the microwave, hoping it can sooth the cold or crying, or whatever Woojin is going through. I let him bury himself on my couch. I bring the warm milk to him and he accepts it with both of his hands. Why does he look like this?

Before I say anything he’s already speaking. ‘Has he ever been mad at you?’

‘Daehwi? of course. I’m a dumbass.’ I laugh. He doesn’t. uh oh. I clear my throat. ‘I mean. . Yeah, we used to fight every week when we first got together. But then it’s getting better. Is this about Jihoon?’

‘How do you know you’re in love with Daehwi?’ Woojin head is getting lower, he buries himself even deeper. ‘How do you know he loves you back?’ His voice is small, but I can hear it perfectly.

‘This is about Jihoon, isn’t it? Do you want to talk about it?’ He nods. I sigh. He slurps his milk and sits on the floor. I follow him. Now we’re sitting on the floor.

‘I screw up, Jinyoung. I fucked this up.’ He pauses. ‘I stood him up. For I don’t know how long. I can explain. . .’ He continues again.

‘I’m not the one who needed the explanation, Woojin. Why don’t you talk to him?’

‘I haven’t told him about Japan.’ I raises my brows. ‘I can’t hurt him.’ I pat his back. He doesn’t seem calm.

‘You’re hurting him even more. We talked to you about this, you just. . . never listened.’ I reason. Woojin can be stubborn, but I never have to deal with him like this. It was usually Daehwi.

‘I was trying to talk to my mother about him and she finally approves of him. .  .’

‘Your parents didn’t approve of him?’ I meddle in his explanation. Despite the cold I feel the heat on my neck. He frustrates me. ‘And you didn’t tell him about anything that’s going on around you plus you stood him up.’

‘They… It’s not like they don’t approve of him. They think he’s forcing me into dancing. Jihoon never even seen me dance before.’

‘Did you tell your parents about that?’ I try to understand him, but the words come out a little bit bitter. I am starting to be like Daehwi.

‘I did. That’s why I agree to Japan in the first place. To protect him.’ Woojin looks really broken and lost and I feel sad for him. Almost.

‘Call him.’ My tone is firm. Woojin is my friend. But he is in the wrong here.

‘I can’t.’

‘What do you mean you can’t?’

‘I don’t deserve him.’

‘But he deserves your explanation. Stop being a freaking chicken and own up to your mistakes.’

‘I tried. He didn’t reply to my messages. And he won’t answer my calls. I told you, I screwed this up.’

‘You look tired, Hyung. Let’s go to his house tomorrow morning. you can explain in person. I’m not going to say this again, but he deserves the truth.’ I pull the blanket to cover half of Woojin’s body, he pulls the rest. He looks like a human hurricane. Should I tell Daehwi about this? I probably should. ‘Goodnight, Hyung.’ I turn of the lights and go to my room.

‘Jinyoung?’ I turn my head to him. ‘Thank you. For this. For everything.’ I nod. I want to help him. He’s not as bad as he thinks. he always have the lowest self-esteem, I want to protect him. Daehwi too. we both wanted the best for him. He’s always there for us, I want to be there for him too.

I cover myself with my own blanket and turning on the night light beside me. My Monster Hunter could wait. I drift into sleep.


	28. Park Woojin

The drive to Jihoon’s house seems like forever. It’s a good thing Jinyoung is driving. Daehwi is on the passenger seat. He’s been incredibly nice to me all morning. Jinyoung must’ve told him about last night.

I look out the window, resting my hands on the side, while giving them directions to Jihoon’s house. I can’t remember clearly because it’s night, but I think I know where it is. Expect that the fact we’ve taken the wrong turn thrice.

‘I think it’s there.’ I say as I point the huge mansion on the right side of the road. They both look back at  me in disbelieve. ‘What? I’ve said it before he’s kind of a prince.’

‘Of course we didn’t believe in you, Woojin. You can be delusional.’ Daehwi snarks. The old Daehwi is back. I kinda like it when he pities me. I sigh.

‘Alright, I think we’re here.’ Jinyoung parks his car on the park in front of the house and the three of us stumble from the car, to be exact, they both are. I ring the bell to the house and I can see Seongwu Appa in the garage, He smiles and waves at me, rushing towards the gate.

‘Hey, Woojin-ah. And who do we have here?’ Seongwu Appa greets. Jinyoung and Daehwi Introduces themselves. ‘Hello there. Is there something wrong?’ Seongwu Appa lets us in and we sit at the living room.

‘Woojin-ah! I thought we will never see you again?’ Minhyun Appa is serving us tea, and sitting with us. ‘Did something happens with you and Jihoon? He seems weird this past few days.’

‘I think Jihoon is mad at me.. I really want to see him. Is that okay?’ Minhyun Appa and Seongwu Appa exchange glances.

‘Fights happen all the time, Woojin-ah. We fought a lot when we were younger.’ Minhyun nudges Seongwu on the side. Seongwu flinches.  ‘We fought over the silliest thing, for days, and we will still end up forgiving each other. That’s just how young love is.’ The tone in Minhyun voice is calm.

‘Jihoon is unfortunately not here. He’s been staying at his uncle since last night. You could see him there I guess?’ Seongwu Appa gives a piece of paper, with an address written on it. ‘It’s not really far, it’s near the train station. Are you okay? do you want us to take you there?’

I shakes my head. Receiving the address with both of my hands. ‘It’s okay, I have my friends here to help. Thank you for everything. I have to get going. Thankyou Minhyun Appa, Seongwu Appa.’ We stand up and bows.

They’re indeed the nicest people on this planet.


	29. Park Jihoon

I emptied the last tube of paint to my palette. My hands is red, now purple, now indigo, they’re full of colors, my heart is shades of grey. I throw my brush to the ground. My canvas is still pure white.

‘You’ve been sulking for days. You’re never like this. Do you want to talk?’ Jisung says, painting beside me. I used to hate drawing, but Jisung Hyung made me fell in love with them.

‘I just don’t feel well, Hyung.’ I say, coldly, Jisung Hyung always knows when I lied.

‘Is this about _feelings_? Feelings can be handful.’ Jisung Hyung continues painting, making the colors come alive, while mine is still blank.

‘Why do people lie?’ I ask to my blank canvas, hoping it will speak my mind.

‘So this is about feelings. The usual problems about relationships are communications, Jihoon. We talk a lot, but we don’t communicate. That’s the basic of human relationships. People seemed to forget, sometimes.’

‘The truth is hard. We want to protect someone we love from it but we end up hurting them.’ Jisung is finished with his painting and cleaning up on the mess. I still have nothing. My hands are clean.

_We want to protect someone we love from it but we end up hurting them._

Why won’t Woojin talk to me? Why won’t he tell me the truth?

 


	30. Park Woojin

‘I think this is it?’ The three of us looks straight to the house that looks way different than Jihoon’s palace. The house is a traditional cottage house with grey roof and simple black door, flowers and plants grow from every part of the house. The house doesn’t have any kind of gate so they go straight to the door, apparently they didn’t have any kind of doorbell too.

‘Are you sure this is the place?’ Daehwi asks. I don’t have the answer too.

‘Let’s just. . . see what happens?’ I say, hesitantly. What’s the worst could happen anyway? I knock on the door several times. There’s no answer. I knock again. I hear footsteps. I think someone’s coming. The three of us exchange glances.

Jihoon opens the door, wide eyed and all, he tries to close the door on me, I block it with my legs. ‘Jihoon.’ He doesn’t answer. He looks upset. He opens the door again, leaning on the door.

‘What do you want Woojin?’ I think he’s not upset. He’s mad. I don’t do anything besides gaping like a stupid fish.

Daehwi practically rolls his eyes out and steps in front of me. Extending his hands to Jihoon. ‘Hi. . . My name’s Daehwi. I’m Woojin’s friend and this is my boyfriend, Jinyoung. We came to see you. Woojin told us amazing stories about you. is that okay?’ Jihoon gaze softens at Daehwi but when he looks at me, he looks angry again. I keep looking at my shoes.

‘Come on in..’ Jihoon moves from the door and let us in. He hold the door and when we are inside, he closes the door behind him.

We sit on the couch on the middle of the house. Daehwi and Jinyoung sits on the coach while Jihoon and I sits on the arm chair, opposite of each other. The silence is not good.

‘So, hello! Nice meeting you on person, Jihoon.’ Noticing the situation, Daehwi is smiling again like the social butterfly he is, Jinyoung looks awkward. I look like a mess.

Jihoon smiles at Daehwi and brings his gaze to me. ‘What do you want Woojin. I know this is about you.’

‘Can we talk?’ I ask. Should I beg for him?

‘What for?’ Jihoon looks cold. I never seen him like this. ‘Can you hurry up? You’re wasting my time.’ He snaps at me. even though he’s shorter than me, he seems bigger. Daehwi and Jinyoung exchange glances. Even Daehwi can’t help me now.

‘I’m in love with you.’ I blurts out.

‘What.’ Jihoon says.

‘WHAT.’ Jinyoung follows. Daehwi hits the idiot’s head and piercing his gaze on him. ‘We let you two solve whatever this is. Me and Jinyoung will wait in the car. Okay, Woojin?’ Daehwi drags the poor thing out of the house.

‘I’m in love with you and I want to-‘ I continues

‘…You can’t say things like that, especially when you don’t mean it.’ Jihoon deadpans. Am I right? is my feelings one sided?

‘I mean every. . .’

‘How about Japan? How long are you planning to lie to me? Forever?’ Jihoon looks hurt again. How did he even know about Japan. Daehwi was right. Daehwi was right. Daehwi was right.

‘How did you. . .’ I trail off

‘Is that what matters to you? How I know you lied to me?’

‘I was planning to tell you. . .’

‘While I was planning _our_ apartment? You make me feel hopeful. Saying promises you don’t mean while I’m planning _our_ future together. When I wasn’t even in it from the first place.’ His eyes are glassy. I feel like a douchebag hearing from his mouth. I am an asshole. I can’t even defend myself, how can I defend someone I love?

‘I don’t want to hurt you, Jihoon.’

‘You hurt me more.’ He avoids my eyes. I deserve this.

‘But I love you and I promise. . .’ I am sitting next to him, I move closer and closer as I was talking to him.

‘Promise is a big word, Woojin. You can’t throw it away like it is a joke. Is that all I am to you? A joke?’ Jihoon scoffs. The word hits me like a train, it messes up all inside of me.

‘I did this for us. For you. Medical school. Fuck, I don’t even want to go there Jihoon. This if for you. They. . . They won’t allow me to see you if I don’t go.’ Jihoon looks up, it’s the first time he looks at me from the moment I entered the house. ‘I convinced him to. I don’t care about dancing, Jihoon. I care about you. I want to spend forever with you.’

‘Forever is a long time.’ Jihoon gaze looks. . .hopeful. like he’s opening up again.

‘I know. But I don’t mind spending it with you. I don’t know you’re into this cheesy stuff.’ I say. Jihoon laughs. I let out the breath I’ve been holding.

‘Forgive me, Jihoon?’ I try to put my hands in his, he takes his away immediately.

‘Woojin. This is not easy for me. You stood me up for 2 freaking hours. You can’t just come here and say all of these hopeful things and leave. Like you always do.’

‘I talk to them about you. To my mom. She asks me if you’re free for dinner? She wants to get to know you. I will never leave, Jihoon. I know. Japan. Sucks, we have to be miles apart from each other. But we have text and video calls and we can call each other every single night. Can we do that? For us?’ His hands are in mine now.

‘You don’t have to sacrifice dancing for me. this is only making things worse. I don’t want you to do things you hate, for me. I can’t do this to you.’ Jihoon says, only pressing his hands harder in mine. I know he wants to stay.

‘I’d sacrifice anything for you. Did you know my father sacrificed dancing to marry my mother, too?’ His eyes are bright, it is swallowing me whole. ‘So, Dinner? With my family?’

‘I’d love to, Woojin.’

* * *

 

‘So, how are we gonna do this properly?’ Jihoon’s head is resting on my lap and I am eating my sandwich. They say the grass is always greener on the other side, they are wrong. Mine is perfect.

We are eating lunch on the Han River side. The river in front of my eyes, oceans right on my lap.

‘I always thought you’re a vampire, though?’ Jihoon says looking to me, I look down to meet his eyes.

‘How am I a Vampire? Because I’m incredibly good looking?’ I say. Jihoon pouts.

‘We never went out before 7 PM. I thought you had an allergic reaction to the sun or something. Turns out you’re just hiding me.’

‘I am not hiding you. I am grounded remember?’

‘You’re ungrounded now?’

‘I don’t know. Since they met you the other day, they never really cared when I go out with you? my mom even says, I quote, “Have fun with Jihoon!” in front of my my father. He doesn’t even move a muscle. See? They love you.’ I made Jihoon laugh. The winter feels like summer now. ‘Hey, answer my question.’ I sulk. Jihoon doesn’t care.

‘I don’t know. We’re going to see each other every summer too anyways? And every break. i can go see you often too. Minhyun Appa owns a boutique in Japan. I can go with him. See? This should be easy.’

‘Everything is easy when I’m with you.’

‘When did you turn into this cheese ball. I have to disown you.’

‘You don’t own me though?’ I smirk, Jihoon is red all over. His ears are scarlet red.

‘N-not what I meant. I mean that, we can still see each other easily. We don’t have to throw this one week party.’ Jihoon reasons.

‘I want to do this for you, though? We’re starting tomorrow. officially D-7.’ I fake cry. Why don’t Jihoon look at me? what if I’m crying for real? I sulk again. ‘I have plans for us tomorrow. it’s going to be…Legen …Wait for it….And I hope you’re not lactose intolerant cause the second part of the word is…Dairy!

‘Don’t you quote Barney Stinson on me ever again.’


	31. Park Woojin

I wasn’t exactly sure where we’re heading, but I followed the direction I found from a blog that lists all of the hidden gems in Seoul, this one is near, so I figured I bring Jihoon here. We only have a week left before I leave. I want Jihoon to have the best week of his life.

‘I think this is it.’ I look at the building in front of me, abandoned and all, it looks scary and beautiful at the same time. The building was surrounded on all sides with dark fences and graffiti.

Jihoon looks up. ‘Seriously?’

I hold his hand. ‘Yeah!’

‘I think I’d rather go somewhere else, Woojin. This place seems. . . unsafe.’ He brushes his thumb to the palm of my hands. I think he’s nervous.

‘No! it’s fine. I’ve read reviews, they say it’s fine. We can go up to the roof. We can stay here all night and wait for the sunrise. I’ve brought food.’ I lift the basket that I’ve been carrying with my left hand. My right hand is holding tight to Jihoon’s.

‘The roof?’ Jihoon asks quietly. ‘Isn’t this kind of illegal? This is called trespassing, Woojin.’ His voice is hushed like he doesn’t want to be caught.

‘Don’t be like that! I’ve promised for you to have the best week of your life. This is only the first day. You can pick the rest if you’re unsure of my choice, though?’ I squeeze his hand. He squeezes mine back.

‘I- it’s not like that. this is not my definition of fun, Woojin.’ He’s trying to let go of his hand. I catch it back in mine.

‘Hey. I’m sorry.’ I pull him in my direction, putting his hand on my chest. ‘Let’s go somewhere else. I just want to find something . . .interesting. shouldn’t trust a blog this easily, too. let’s just go.’ I drag Jihoon with me on the opposite side of the building.

Jihoon stays in place. he puts his weight on his feet. I look back at him. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘What is this place anyway?’ JIhoon asks while pouting. Did I ever mention how I love pouting Jihoon? I think I did.

‘I don’t know. The internet says this used to be a factory or some sorts. But I don’t think it is, it’s too small but It’s been abandoned for years apparently.’ I fiddle with his hands again. It feels warmer. ‘Look. . . if you don’t want. .’

‘What if we couldn’t get to the roof?’

‘On the internet it says that they have skylights. I think they wouldn’t have skylights if you won’t able to access it.’ I try to explain, Jihoon seems to be curious because he’s touching the fence and finding a big hole that’ll fit for us to go in.

‘I think we can enter from this.’ Jihoon says, still studying the hole he just found.

‘Look, I won’t force anything on you. this is my fault. Let’s just go. please?’ I try to stop Jihoon from entering.

‘Are you scared now, princess?’ Jihoon is putting his hands on his hip. Why do the boy thinks he’s intimidating? He looks like a freaking bunny. I laugh.

‘You can’t call me _princess_ , princess.’ Jihoon pouts again. He looks offended. I place my hands on his cheeks.

‘Then what can I do?’ Jihoon steps closer, putting his hands on top of my hands, resting on his cheeks. My heart blooms with flowers. ‘Can I do this?’ Jihoon steps even closer, moving his hands on my neck now, my whole body is a freaking garden now. I hold my breath. ‘Can I kis-‘

My hands are on his waist now and I’m pushing my lips to his, it was soft and fragile, it tastes like Jihoon. I notices he’s tiptoeing so I bend down a bit to match his height, I push down his shoulders, so we are in the same height now. He kisses me back, slow and tender, like we have all of the time in this world. I have everything when I’m with him.

‘Woojin?’ He removes his lips from mine, I narrows the gap again. Kissing him again.

‘Mmm?’ The kiss is getting hungrier. Like Jihoon is afraid. Afraid that this is going to end. I remove my lips from him. Looking him again. God. Is he always this beautiful?

‘What are we?’ I place my hands on his cheeks again. I kiss his forehead.

‘We can be everything you want us to be.’ I look at him again. Are you sure this is not too good to be true? ‘Boyfriends?’

‘I- I’d love that, _boyfriend_.’ Coming out of his mouth sounds like a dream. I rubbed my eyes, making sure this is not hallucination. This is indeed not. I plant a chaste kiss on his lips. He giggles. God. He’s making me crazy.

‘So, Why are we still here? Let’s go up! You said you wanted to see the rooftop?’ He enters the building through the hole he found, still linking his hands with mine, I enter through too.

The building is dark and looks abandoned. It is abandoned. I pull out my phone and activate the flashlight

‘So, what now, _babe?_ ’ Jihoon says _._ I choke on my own saliva. I choke on my whole existence. I try not to blush. I giggle instead.

‘There’s supposed to be a staircase right there.’ I point the flashlight to the middle of the room. There it is. A staircase, shaped like a curve, with no railings. Good thing the building is not too high up. It’s only a two storey high.

‘How do you know about all this?’ Jihoon asks, looking at me studying the staircase, testing it out to see if it’s safe.

‘I do some research too, Jihoon. I won’t risk your life. I want you to be safe.’ I stand on the first set of stair and jump on it several times, it seems solid enough. I stretch out my hand, Jihoon takes my hand. I guide him to the rooftop, looking back every here and there to see if Jihoon is okay. We climb the stairs really slow, just in case something happens.

There it is. The rooftop. It’s as beautiful as the pictures. The rooftop is solid with a huge skylight in the middle of it. The solid part of the ground is covered by a roof and the middle part is left open, to let the sun pierce through the skylight. We sit down at the covered part of the roof, while looking at the stars. The night is beautiful as it is.

‘You always say things about dancing but I never actually seen you dance before.’ Jihoon is resting his head on my shoulders. His body is warm against mine. I take his hands and tangle it with mine on the pocket of my padding jacket. I kiss the top of his head.

‘I can show you I you want. I made this choreography when I first met you. I listen to this song a lot, because it reminded me of you.’ Jihoon squeezes my hand and he kisses the top of my nose. Nothing can make me feel things, like the way Jihoon did. I kiss him again.

Jihoon pulls out his hand from my padding and kisses my cheek. I want to kiss him again and again and again. I stand up instead. I hand my phone to him and ask him to press play.

The song Crush by Yuna and Usher plays. I dance to the mid-tempo song immediately, following the beat. I do a little improvisation, probably a little grinding, or a lot. Keeping my eyes on Jihoon the whole time, maybe I’m teasing him a little. Maybe not so little.

‘How do you like your little gift?’ I walk towards him.

 I sit down in front of him. Jihoon looks at me like longing. His licks his bottom lip and my heart lurches. Jihoon is pulling me by my coat, towards him, and kissing me so hard I go blind.

I think every river in my body flows and the world notices it too, so it started to rain. It is flooding inside of me.

I run my hands to his hair, kissing him so hard our teeth collide, kissing him to make up the lost time we’ve been stupid and unknown. I know absolutely how to kiss him too, how i bite his lower lip, makes him whisper my name. What the hell. How is he this good?

‘Where did you learn all of this?’ I say, stopping for a moment to catch my breath. He’s still kissing me. and I’m still kissing him back.

‘I have my own part of research.’ He smirks and he runs his hands under my coat and it burns my skin. I think he is the sun. I’ve never been touched by the sun before.

‘I love you, Jihoon.’ I say and this is not a promise. This is me telling him that he is my whole life. That my whole universe rests on his eyes.

‘I know. I love you too. I always do.’ He pulls me back and the smirking is back. What is he thinking now. I can’t wait. ‘I’d always wanted to kiss in the rain.’ My heart jumps out of my chest and flew out the window. My consciousness is too. because the next thing I pull him into the rain with me In the edge of the skylight, drenching wet, kissing him senselessly, like this is the last thing I’ll do on earth.

He’s kissing me. in the middle of the rain, in the middle of winter. like we are running out of time, I kiss him too, like he holds my world in the back of his hands.

‘You’re crazy.’ Jihoon whispers to me between kisses.

‘Crazy for you.’


	32. Park JIhoon

There was a cracking sound. So loud, we both jumps.

‘What was that?’ He asks me, I am really worried right now.

I had frozen in place, too scared to even to look at my feet.’I think I might be standing on the skylight.’ My voice trembles, I couldn’t speak. I am afraid.

The look on Woojin’s face scared me even more. I could hear a faint crackling noise underneath my feet. My heart rate is unstoppable. I gulps.

‘Don’t move.’ Woojin says and despite the calmness in his voice, the look on his face couldn’t lie. ‘I will carry you out of there okay. we just have to be steady, you have to hold my arms and I will lift you. Do you understand Jihoon?’ The voice underneath is louder and I want to cry. I feel utterly terrified.

I know I am going to fall in an instance before it happens. It was happening so fast, there was a split second when the glass beneath my feet completely shatters before gravity caught up. As I fall in a shower of glass and rain, I couldn’t hear the screaming coming from my own mouth or Woojin’s.

I see me, age 10, piled up with Donghan, Guanlin, and the 9 others. Hugging each other to keep each other warm. Jisung Hyung was there, He says it calmly, ‘Jihoonie, You can choose your dream now.’

And then the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou for following me through this crazy hell of a fic. this is probably my first finished fic even though it is rushed and it's approaching 30k i have to stop somewhere before it gets too crazy. i cut a lot of things so that it wont be that long. i love writing, doesn't mean i'm good at it, but i love to write and that's all that matters. I believe somewhere out there, someone would like this. i will add one last chapter and i'm completely done with this fic. Once again, english is not my first language. Love, Kira. xx
> 
> Chapter 31 & 32 are inspired by Beautiful Broken Things by Sara Barnard.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. the chapters are short and divided by perspective so it is easier and less messy. i still so many things to edit and i don't want to miss out on 2parkweek! thankyou for the mods for actually have time to make this work, when i am overwhelmed by a single fic. will be posting everyday i guess until it is finished. thankyouthankyouthankyou


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